I'm trying to pull myself out of what feels like a very long phase of apathy, spiritual and otherwise. I struggle with motivation to read, write, engage in any sort of spiritual practice...... essentially, anything that requires brain power outside of work (and sometimes even that's a bit of a struggle). I'm working on finding the root psychological and environmental causes of my apathy. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with changes going on in other aspects of my life.
For instance, I'll probably be having to move again soon. The homeowners have decided to sell the house, and will likely not renew our lease, which means I have until the end of February to find somewhere new. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, it will bring an end to a good bit of drama I've had to deal with for the past couple of years. I have started looking at prospects in order to be prepared - including renting out a room from someone who has a room for rent in their house, as I have done in the past. One such prospect, a 60 year old man in a rural area not too far from where I am now, could allow me to save money for when my partner is able to move here, so that the financial burden isn't so much on him. Also, it would allow me to maybe, just maybe, finally start catching up on eye and dental exams, which I haven't been able to do in a long time because of how all the other crap has affected my finances. On the other hand, I've pretty much come to the conclusion that there will always be some kind of drama going on, because that's the way life works. While I'm actually kind of excited, relieved, and even hopeful about the whole possibility of moving, the actual process of moving - security deposits, application fees, the possibility of having to pay for movers or uhaul trucks or whatever - is making me quite anxious.
I guess it all comes down to balance. I need to find some ways to motivate myself to get back into spirituality and other hobbies, to balance out the other craziness that is life, so it doesn't overwhelm me. Maybe taking small steps, such as my recently joining the Unitarian Church in Charleston (link added to my links section), updating this blog more often (including cleaning up outdated links in the links section), and attending church more regularly are small steps that will lead to bigger ones.
My Grandfather, the Diarist
8 hours ago