So I haven't been online in, pretty much forever. A lot has changed these last few months.
Religiously, I feel another shift. I feel myself not feeling as connected to the deities/angels/spirits that I consider my patrons. When I think of the divine, I seem to be doing so more in a true Panentheistic fashion - feeling the connection of the Divinity within and beyond, rather than individual patrons. This is something I have been contemplating lately, and feel I will continue to mull over. In particular, questions come to mind: What does this mean for my patrons? Is my time with them through, and they presented primarily to help me to transition from fundamentalist Christianity to a more progressive, esoteric, natural one? How will this affect my Druidic practices and my plans to join AODA in the future?
I've taken some big steps in emotional growth. In one particular conversation with my mother, she accused me of basically being in a cult. This all started because I agreed with someone else's statement that football player Tim Tebow was using his religion to get fame and attention. I succinctly told her that I'm almost 30 years old, by the time she was my age she was married with two kids, and it's time I'm treated like an adult. Long story short, she has certainly increased in her evangelizing (now, EVERY conversation turns to a conversation about Jesus), but I'm becoming more assertive and open about when I disagree with her and my reasons for such.
My church now has a new minister, and he is WONDERFUL. He was raised Baptist in Hawai'i, went to a conservative Baptist undergraduate school, a Unitarian-Universalist seminary, has worked with prison ministries and interfaith initiatives, and preached at a progressive Baptist church, now coming to my United Church of Christ church. His personal spirituality includes heavy emphasis on nature spirituality and Zen, and has even noted some Gnostic scriptures on occasion. A good fit for my personality, for sure :)
I have finally completely booked my vacation for Washington, DC, for the end of May. This will be my first real vacation without my family in years, and I am beyond excited.
Last week was bittersweet. It began with the death of my family's 13 year old dog, of congestive heart failure. I was saddened by it, but I'm glad she is in peace, and wish her luck in her next life. Also last week, I graduated. I now have my Masters in Social Work. I still have some steps (and a lot of money) to go in order to become licensed and become more eligible for better job opportunities. I was sad to leave my internship, and they gave clear indication that if they could, they would have hired me right then. This is also the first time in my life that I haven't either been in school, or been working to get back into school. Quite frankly, I don't know what to do with myself, and I'm going into a bit of a quarter-life crisis. Again. I'm just so sick of the corruption at my job, and especially now that I have my Master's, I'm increasingly impatient to get to what comes next.
It's amazing what can happen in one final semester.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
Brokenness
The theme for Quest (also known as the Church of the Larger Fellowship, Unitarian Universalist) this month is brokenness. I've certainly been feeling this theme the last few weeks.
Ash Wednesday was a typically beautiful, somber service at church. As part of the service, we write on a slip of paper bad habits, stumbling blocks, shortcomings, anything we feel we need to give up during this Lent season. Then we put it all in a large bowl. The minister lit it, and allowed it to burn to ashes, which we then put on our forehead in a cross. It's very similar, actually, to some spells I've done for similar reasons, only I didn't cross myself with the ashes. It reminded me that ritual, prayer, and spellwork really are just different paths to the same end.
Last Lent season, I gave up meat one day a week - Mondays. I did well, and continued the practice as a weekly spiritual practice. This season, I'm expanding my commitment to eating vegetarian for the entire season of Lent (excluding Sundays, as is tradition in many denominations). Like last year, I am doing this to remind myself of what I put in my body, how I impact the world around me, and awareness of the inhumane practices animals often suffer through before they reach us as food. Also like last year, I am considering this a "test run" with the possibility of continuing as a full-out vegetarian after Lent, or at the very least, transitioning my Flexitarianism from "mostly omnivore with occasional vegetarian meals" to "mostly vegetarian with occasional omnivorous meals". So far so good.
I've learned this week that the Quest website now has live online services on Sundays at 7pm and 9pm, and repeating the 7pm service at 1:30pm on Monday. Today's was, as I suggested at the beginning of this post, about brokenness. It was wonderfully done, and I do believe I will watch these regularly, since my brick-and-mortar church does not have church in the evenings, only on Sunday mornings. I also plan on watching through the rest (there aren't very many yet, as they have only recently begun doing this, and even more recently begun recording them for later) to catch up.
As stated before, I've been aware of my brokenness for quite some time now. I was reminded how, as a child, I felt guilty as a Caucasian for the horrors that my culture has done to minority races and religions, from driving the Native Americans off of their land, to slavery, to fighting immigration. I'm aware of my own shortcomings, as someone who tends to put himself down a little too much, and who procrastinates, and who struggles to maintain a steady spiritual discipline.
But on the other side of brokenness, lies salvation. That which puts you back together. I'm reminded that I'm doing things to make sure I don't carry out my culture's racism, sexism, and bigotry. I have felt more aware and intentional in my actions the last couple of days, than I have since Advent. I hope to start blogging more - this time for real. Much of it culminated tonight, after my Celtic spirituality meeting, and I went to the beach for a bit of night viewing. It was one of the most beautiful night scenes I've seen. The moon was beautifully bright, the waves looked as though they were in a spotlight. It brought me to a sense of total inner peace with myself. And that, my friends, is salvation. When you have peace with yourself. And when you have peace with yourself, you also have peace with the Divine, whether you call it God, Spirit, whatever.
Ash Wednesday was a typically beautiful, somber service at church. As part of the service, we write on a slip of paper bad habits, stumbling blocks, shortcomings, anything we feel we need to give up during this Lent season. Then we put it all in a large bowl. The minister lit it, and allowed it to burn to ashes, which we then put on our forehead in a cross. It's very similar, actually, to some spells I've done for similar reasons, only I didn't cross myself with the ashes. It reminded me that ritual, prayer, and spellwork really are just different paths to the same end.
Last Lent season, I gave up meat one day a week - Mondays. I did well, and continued the practice as a weekly spiritual practice. This season, I'm expanding my commitment to eating vegetarian for the entire season of Lent (excluding Sundays, as is tradition in many denominations). Like last year, I am doing this to remind myself of what I put in my body, how I impact the world around me, and awareness of the inhumane practices animals often suffer through before they reach us as food. Also like last year, I am considering this a "test run" with the possibility of continuing as a full-out vegetarian after Lent, or at the very least, transitioning my Flexitarianism from "mostly omnivore with occasional vegetarian meals" to "mostly vegetarian with occasional omnivorous meals". So far so good.
I've learned this week that the Quest website now has live online services on Sundays at 7pm and 9pm, and repeating the 7pm service at 1:30pm on Monday. Today's was, as I suggested at the beginning of this post, about brokenness. It was wonderfully done, and I do believe I will watch these regularly, since my brick-and-mortar church does not have church in the evenings, only on Sunday mornings. I also plan on watching through the rest (there aren't very many yet, as they have only recently begun doing this, and even more recently begun recording them for later) to catch up.
As stated before, I've been aware of my brokenness for quite some time now. I was reminded how, as a child, I felt guilty as a Caucasian for the horrors that my culture has done to minority races and religions, from driving the Native Americans off of their land, to slavery, to fighting immigration. I'm aware of my own shortcomings, as someone who tends to put himself down a little too much, and who procrastinates, and who struggles to maintain a steady spiritual discipline.
But on the other side of brokenness, lies salvation. That which puts you back together. I'm reminded that I'm doing things to make sure I don't carry out my culture's racism, sexism, and bigotry. I have felt more aware and intentional in my actions the last couple of days, than I have since Advent. I hope to start blogging more - this time for real. Much of it culminated tonight, after my Celtic spirituality meeting, and I went to the beach for a bit of night viewing. It was one of the most beautiful night scenes I've seen. The moon was beautifully bright, the waves looked as though they were in a spotlight. It brought me to a sense of total inner peace with myself. And that, my friends, is salvation. When you have peace with yourself. And when you have peace with yourself, you also have peace with the Divine, whether you call it God, Spirit, whatever.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
An Irish Blessing
At this past Monday's Celtic Spirituality meeting, one of its elderly members gave us copies of a beautiful Irish blessing, which she found in her family's records. I quite enjoyed it, so I thought I would share here.
May the blessing of Light be on you. May the splendour of the sun warm your spirit through and through until it glows like the heart of a great turf fire, where the stranger may draw up to warm himself, and also a friend..... And may the light that shines out of your two eyes be blessed in the sight of all, the like of the friendly candle shining from the glass of a cottage when the dark is down to bid the traveler below come in out of the night and the great loneliness.
And may the blessing of the Rain be on you - the warm, sweet rain. May it fall gently on your spirit, the way little flowers of happiness will be all the time budding from the earth beside your path, and they making sweet smells in the air..... And may the blessing of the Great Rains be on you. May the flood of them beat upon your spirit and make all fresh and clean, with here and there a shining pool left after to be catching the blue of the sky, and maybe a star.
And may the blessing of Earth be on you. May the two of you be great friends, like, the way you will always be minding its beauty and its wonderments, and wishing for yourself no joy at all above walking the woods and fields in the new of the year or ranging the ridges of the autumn hills..... May itself be soft under you when you lie out on it in blissful tiredness at the end of a long day's wandering. And may it rest easy over you when, tired out entirely, you will lie out under it in the end of all. May it rest so easy over you that your soul will be quickly through it, and up, and off, and on its way to God.
An Irish BlessingRefashioned, a little after the manner of Synge, from the original of Cornelia Rogers
May the blessing of Light be on you. May the splendour of the sun warm your spirit through and through until it glows like the heart of a great turf fire, where the stranger may draw up to warm himself, and also a friend..... And may the light that shines out of your two eyes be blessed in the sight of all, the like of the friendly candle shining from the glass of a cottage when the dark is down to bid the traveler below come in out of the night and the great loneliness.
And may the blessing of the Rain be on you - the warm, sweet rain. May it fall gently on your spirit, the way little flowers of happiness will be all the time budding from the earth beside your path, and they making sweet smells in the air..... And may the blessing of the Great Rains be on you. May the flood of them beat upon your spirit and make all fresh and clean, with here and there a shining pool left after to be catching the blue of the sky, and maybe a star.
And may the blessing of Earth be on you. May the two of you be great friends, like, the way you will always be minding its beauty and its wonderments, and wishing for yourself no joy at all above walking the woods and fields in the new of the year or ranging the ridges of the autumn hills..... May itself be soft under you when you lie out on it in blissful tiredness at the end of a long day's wandering. And may it rest easy over you when, tired out entirely, you will lie out under it in the end of all. May it rest so easy over you that your soul will be quickly through it, and up, and off, and on its way to God.
Monday, February 6, 2012
CYF Session 3: Session 3: Sparks and Flames
Now that the holidays are over, I'm going to resume going through the CYF's Religious Education Curriculum as jumping points for when I want to write, but have writer's block.
The opening words for this session:
What sparks a flame within you? Nature. The sea. Knowing that I'm making a difference.
What do you feel deeply? I feel deeply that we are all loved by that energy which we call "God". That everything has its place, and if we could just be in harmony with the rest of the world, we would be a much better species.
What gives you energy? A good book. Meditating by one of my altars. A starry night by the sea.
What sparks your interest or curiosity? Knowledge of the world around me. Understanding how nature works.
Talk about an everyday moment that renewed your spirit or made you feel good. Recently, I went to the beach at night. The stars were especially clear. I felt connected to the Universe, and in awe of how minute we really are in the big scheme of things.
Are there things you’re interested in trying? In short: Everything.
The opening words for this session:
At times, our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. EachFollowing is a poem by Howard Thurman:How Wonderful
of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within
us.
-Albert Schweitzer (Reading #447 in Singing The Living Tradition)
Howard ThurmanQuestions for Reflection:
How wonderful it is to be able to feel things deeply!
The sheer delight of fresh air when you have been indoors all day;
The never ending wonder of sunrise and sunset;
The sound of wind through the trees and the utter wetness of the rain;
The excitement of finding something that was lost and is found:
My fountain pen,
A beautiful word forgotten,
The return of an old book,
The reconciliation after estrangement,
The first step after months of illness.
How moving is the sheer wonder of being necessary to the life of another?
The source of food for a dog, a cat;
The giving of a gentle word when you did not know that such a word was
desperately needed;
The sharing of so little at the crucial point of acute urgency;
The invasion of the mind and heart with a sense of Presence in which all of one’s
being suddenly becomes God’s dwelling place.
What sparks a flame within you? Nature. The sea. Knowing that I'm making a difference.
What do you feel deeply? I feel deeply that we are all loved by that energy which we call "God". That everything has its place, and if we could just be in harmony with the rest of the world, we would be a much better species.
What gives you energy? A good book. Meditating by one of my altars. A starry night by the sea.
What sparks your interest or curiosity? Knowledge of the world around me. Understanding how nature works.
Talk about an everyday moment that renewed your spirit or made you feel good. Recently, I went to the beach at night. The stars were especially clear. I felt connected to the Universe, and in awe of how minute we really are in the big scheme of things.
Are there things you’re interested in trying? In short: Everything.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
2012: Changing Tides
2012 is going to be a year of change for me. In May, I will graduate from graduate school, launching the first time since I was five that I haven't either been in school, or trying to get into school. After that, I will have to take my licensing exam to become a licensed social worker. It's now the first day of February, but a fair bit of change has already been occuring.
On the work front, I'm still working a little less. One co-worker got arrested for some kind of outstanding warrant - while he was out with one of the patients on a consult at a local dentist office. He'd been there for a couple of months at that point, at least. Goes to show what kind of background checks they do at this place.
In school, this is going to be the toughest semester yet, I do believe. I'm taking two classes - a family therapy class, and a "capstone" class, which is basically full of case studies where we have to try to apply everything we've learned the last three years to case scenarios. In my internship, I only have about 2-3 individual clients, leaving for a lot of downtime and wondering how much I'm really learning in the long run, especially in relation to what we're studying this semester, involving working with families and couples, none of which I have ever done. On the other hand, we are doing three group therapy sessions instead of just one: on Tuesdays we do two group sessions for elementary school kids (the first session I work with the kids, and the second session I sit in with the parent support group); on Thursdays we do a preteen group focused on dealing with things such as bullying.
I accomplished something I have wanted to do for years. I stood up to my mother more than I ever have.
It all started on facebook. My mom, who doesn't even really watch football, made some status comments praising the wonders of the super-Christian Tim Tebow. One of her friends, another Southern Baptist, commented, in short, that he felt Tebow used his Christianity for attention. I, personally agree with him. Upon this revelation, my mom called me and attempted to start her typical guilt trip. I was trying to unwind and watch television, and was really not in the mood. So, I told her, "I'm hanging up now." and did just that. Later that night, she messaged me, again on facebook. She had seen where I include in my religious views "Panentheist", and she already knew of my views on Buddhist meditation. So, long story short, she accused me of being in a cult, citing badly worded and ill-informed fundamentalist websites that talk about the evils of Pantheism(she was, like many do, getting Pantheism and Panentheism confused). I explained to her what Panentheism actually is, pointing out the content that was wrong on the website. I finished it by reminding her that I'm 29 years old, and by the time she was my age she was married with two kids. I explained that I'm almost done with graduate school, I pay all of my own bills except my cellphone, and I've therefore clearly established myself as a functioning, capable adult, and should be treated like one. Her response was basically her usual guilt trip. She provided a version of "all parents still treat their adult children like kids, my mom still tells me how to drive" (she clearly could not understand the distinction between reminding your adult child not to run a red light, and accusing your adult child of being in a cult simply for believing differently). She finished with a reminder that she risked her life to get me away from my birthfather, helped me move various times, and begging me not to shut her out of my life (in my view, we both essentially did that to each other years ago). At that point, I didn't even bother really responding anymore.
At first I was angry at her (although maybe a little proud of myself), but now the whole thing just makes me sad. Sad that she has to go back 29 years to come up with something meaningful she did for me. Sad that we'll never have a real relationship beyond an occasional facebook post and a five minute phone call twice a month. Sad that I can never be open with her about anything deep and meaningful, the way I see other families being. And I feel sorry for her, that she's so scared to expand her horizons, that she put herself in this narrow little bubble and refuses to accept or acknowledge anything that could burst it, even if that means only pretending to have a real relationship with her son, rather than actually having one.
At the first Celtic Spirituality meeting, which I attend through my church, we met some new members. One of those members described herself as a "Zen Druid", and another also described herself as Druidic like myself. The latter I had met previously, as she attended a Sunday School class, and described Jesus as one of the spirits that visited her during her Reiki training, which she received at Stonehenge. It was quite an interesting meeting, and affirming to see others who think just as "out of the box" spiritually as I do.
This past Sunday, my church voted in our new pastor. He was voted in unanimously by all 204 members who attended.The timing was interesting, and seemed like a humorous joke from the Universe. We voted him in a couple of weeks after that argument with my mom. The new minister is very involved in Christian mysticism, Soto Zen Buddhism, religious naturalism, and interfaith works. Basically all of the things that she was using to accuse me of being in a cult. To make the irony even better, he's coming from a liberal Baptist church, in Texas. Four words I didn't even know could exist in the same sentence! He is also very strong in promoting LGBT equality, and seems dedicated to raising awareness of our liberal Christianity amidst the conservative sea that is South Carolina. I'm very much looking forward to him.
Today I spent some much needed relaxation time by the sea, and realized another change. I feel myself shifting my spiritual focus a little more in my panentheistic view. I'm not entirely sure where I stand on the deities, angels, etc. that I have been following, and where they fit in my panentheistic worldview. In the past, I've viewed it along the same lines of what is called in Paganism as "soft polytheism". But I find myself thinking of the Divine in more generic, truly Panentheistic terms, thinking more of the One Spirit that is within, part of, and beyond all. So I'm beginning to work through that as well. Throughout the process, I will need to keep in mind to focus on what makes sense to me, and not fall into previous habits of trying to find "somewhere to fit in", trying to find a label for my beliefs.
Yes, 2012 is going to be interesting indeed.
On the work front, I'm still working a little less. One co-worker got arrested for some kind of outstanding warrant - while he was out with one of the patients on a consult at a local dentist office. He'd been there for a couple of months at that point, at least. Goes to show what kind of background checks they do at this place.
In school, this is going to be the toughest semester yet, I do believe. I'm taking two classes - a family therapy class, and a "capstone" class, which is basically full of case studies where we have to try to apply everything we've learned the last three years to case scenarios. In my internship, I only have about 2-3 individual clients, leaving for a lot of downtime and wondering how much I'm really learning in the long run, especially in relation to what we're studying this semester, involving working with families and couples, none of which I have ever done. On the other hand, we are doing three group therapy sessions instead of just one: on Tuesdays we do two group sessions for elementary school kids (the first session I work with the kids, and the second session I sit in with the parent support group); on Thursdays we do a preteen group focused on dealing with things such as bullying.
I accomplished something I have wanted to do for years. I stood up to my mother more than I ever have.
It all started on facebook. My mom, who doesn't even really watch football, made some status comments praising the wonders of the super-Christian Tim Tebow. One of her friends, another Southern Baptist, commented, in short, that he felt Tebow used his Christianity for attention. I, personally agree with him. Upon this revelation, my mom called me and attempted to start her typical guilt trip. I was trying to unwind and watch television, and was really not in the mood. So, I told her, "I'm hanging up now." and did just that. Later that night, she messaged me, again on facebook. She had seen where I include in my religious views "Panentheist", and she already knew of my views on Buddhist meditation. So, long story short, she accused me of being in a cult, citing badly worded and ill-informed fundamentalist websites that talk about the evils of Pantheism(she was, like many do, getting Pantheism and Panentheism confused). I explained to her what Panentheism actually is, pointing out the content that was wrong on the website. I finished it by reminding her that I'm 29 years old, and by the time she was my age she was married with two kids. I explained that I'm almost done with graduate school, I pay all of my own bills except my cellphone, and I've therefore clearly established myself as a functioning, capable adult, and should be treated like one. Her response was basically her usual guilt trip. She provided a version of "all parents still treat their adult children like kids, my mom still tells me how to drive" (she clearly could not understand the distinction between reminding your adult child not to run a red light, and accusing your adult child of being in a cult simply for believing differently). She finished with a reminder that she risked her life to get me away from my birthfather, helped me move various times, and begging me not to shut her out of my life (in my view, we both essentially did that to each other years ago). At that point, I didn't even bother really responding anymore.
At first I was angry at her (although maybe a little proud of myself), but now the whole thing just makes me sad. Sad that she has to go back 29 years to come up with something meaningful she did for me. Sad that we'll never have a real relationship beyond an occasional facebook post and a five minute phone call twice a month. Sad that I can never be open with her about anything deep and meaningful, the way I see other families being. And I feel sorry for her, that she's so scared to expand her horizons, that she put herself in this narrow little bubble and refuses to accept or acknowledge anything that could burst it, even if that means only pretending to have a real relationship with her son, rather than actually having one.
At the first Celtic Spirituality meeting, which I attend through my church, we met some new members. One of those members described herself as a "Zen Druid", and another also described herself as Druidic like myself. The latter I had met previously, as she attended a Sunday School class, and described Jesus as one of the spirits that visited her during her Reiki training, which she received at Stonehenge. It was quite an interesting meeting, and affirming to see others who think just as "out of the box" spiritually as I do.
This past Sunday, my church voted in our new pastor. He was voted in unanimously by all 204 members who attended.The timing was interesting, and seemed like a humorous joke from the Universe. We voted him in a couple of weeks after that argument with my mom. The new minister is very involved in Christian mysticism, Soto Zen Buddhism, religious naturalism, and interfaith works. Basically all of the things that she was using to accuse me of being in a cult. To make the irony even better, he's coming from a liberal Baptist church, in Texas. Four words I didn't even know could exist in the same sentence! He is also very strong in promoting LGBT equality, and seems dedicated to raising awareness of our liberal Christianity amidst the conservative sea that is South Carolina. I'm very much looking forward to him.
Today I spent some much needed relaxation time by the sea, and realized another change. I feel myself shifting my spiritual focus a little more in my panentheistic view. I'm not entirely sure where I stand on the deities, angels, etc. that I have been following, and where they fit in my panentheistic worldview. In the past, I've viewed it along the same lines of what is called in Paganism as "soft polytheism". But I find myself thinking of the Divine in more generic, truly Panentheistic terms, thinking more of the One Spirit that is within, part of, and beyond all. So I'm beginning to work through that as well. Throughout the process, I will need to keep in mind to focus on what makes sense to me, and not fall into previous habits of trying to find "somewhere to fit in", trying to find a label for my beliefs.
Yes, 2012 is going to be interesting indeed.
Monday, January 16, 2012
2011: A Year In Review
This week has been a very interesting week. However, before I go into that, which I will on my next post, I would like to do my annual "year in review" of 2011. 2011 was, for once, a fairly uneventful year for me personally, so it may be a little shorter than other years I have done this.
From January until around the end of April, I finished up my second semester of my second year of graduate school. I interned at a local foster care agency. By the end of it, I had a caseload at least as big, if not bigger, than some of my colleagues who were there as employees. My caseload changed regularly, making it difficult to develop a relationship with the kids I was in charge of. Only one kid was on my caseload for the whole school year, a 7 year old with cerebral palsy, who she kept with me because of our connection. Two foster homes, which had previously been on my caseload and then switched off, were put back on my caseload, after they basically hounded my supervisor until she agreed to do so. But, this happened right as I went on Spring Break, and by the time I returned, one of the foster kids (the primary one who wanted me back so bad) had turned 18 and signed himself out of the system.
In April, a nightmare began at my place of employment, a mental hospital for teen boys, whenever four kids escaped from the facility. They were found the next day. But, it brought to light the shoddy practices that were going on there (some which still are, just to a lesser extent and better covered up). News articles about it, I posted on my facebook wall. I assumed I was okay, because I have my privacy settings very strict on my page, so that only my friends can see anything, and even then, I restrict some things from some friends. But, as it turned out, one co-worker, who I thought I could trust (I'm also very selective in which co-workers I add, if they request me, and what I allow them to see) reported back to a supervisor, and I was threatened with my job. I called a lawyer, who basically said it would depend on the facility's social media policy (they did not have one at that time) , and maybe it would be easier to just remove the posts. I did not do so. Doing so, to me, would have been like saying I was okay with what was happening and like silencing my voice. I refuse to ever do that. I may do things "under the radar" in order to counteract the corruption while still keeping my job while I have to be there, but I don't give in. In any case, it became a moot point, because so many disgruntled ex employees came out of the woodwork to file reports to the police (and to the media), that I would have simply joined the masses.
The summer was generally uneventful. In May, during a weekend trip to the beach with a friend, I secured my second internship, an outpatient group therapy program on the psychiatric unit of the local major regional hospital. I had Saturday classes. My family came to visit for a week.
The Fall 2011 semester was difficult. I was put in charge of coordinating and collecting many resources for the group therapy program. It was exciting and liberating to actually have my ideas acknowledged and even used. It gave me hope that I can still meaningfully contribute, which I haven't felt in years.
For October and November, I barely worked. My work time is limited as it is because of my school commitments. But for those months, most of the days I was available to work, they didn't put me on the schedule. On the days I was scheduled, I was often called off for "overstaffing" - interpreted: "We actually have enough staff on schedule to manage any and all situations, but that costs too much money, so we're going to operate on the bare minimum and hope to God nothing happens." I think I worked maybe 2 days the whole month of November.
I did work more in December, thanks to the school semester ending. I made all A's last semester. Christmas break went generally well, as detailed in my Christmas post. The day before I left North Carolina, I was checking the newspaper's website for my current home. Once again, my workplace was in the news. One of the psychiatrists for the facility, who treats sex offenders no less, was arrested for hiring prostitutes. Incidentally, the case was dismissed because the arresting officer was also arrested for unrelated sketchy illegal activities. Just love South Carolina!
New Year's Eve I worked day shift , before going to Olive Garden with a friend, and then we came to my house and watched movies and the Dick Clark New Year's countdown. And so was 2011.
From January until around the end of April, I finished up my second semester of my second year of graduate school. I interned at a local foster care agency. By the end of it, I had a caseload at least as big, if not bigger, than some of my colleagues who were there as employees. My caseload changed regularly, making it difficult to develop a relationship with the kids I was in charge of. Only one kid was on my caseload for the whole school year, a 7 year old with cerebral palsy, who she kept with me because of our connection. Two foster homes, which had previously been on my caseload and then switched off, were put back on my caseload, after they basically hounded my supervisor until she agreed to do so. But, this happened right as I went on Spring Break, and by the time I returned, one of the foster kids (the primary one who wanted me back so bad) had turned 18 and signed himself out of the system.
In April, a nightmare began at my place of employment, a mental hospital for teen boys, whenever four kids escaped from the facility. They were found the next day. But, it brought to light the shoddy practices that were going on there (some which still are, just to a lesser extent and better covered up). News articles about it, I posted on my facebook wall. I assumed I was okay, because I have my privacy settings very strict on my page, so that only my friends can see anything, and even then, I restrict some things from some friends. But, as it turned out, one co-worker, who I thought I could trust (I'm also very selective in which co-workers I add, if they request me, and what I allow them to see) reported back to a supervisor, and I was threatened with my job. I called a lawyer, who basically said it would depend on the facility's social media policy (they did not have one at that time) , and maybe it would be easier to just remove the posts. I did not do so. Doing so, to me, would have been like saying I was okay with what was happening and like silencing my voice. I refuse to ever do that. I may do things "under the radar" in order to counteract the corruption while still keeping my job while I have to be there, but I don't give in. In any case, it became a moot point, because so many disgruntled ex employees came out of the woodwork to file reports to the police (and to the media), that I would have simply joined the masses.
The summer was generally uneventful. In May, during a weekend trip to the beach with a friend, I secured my second internship, an outpatient group therapy program on the psychiatric unit of the local major regional hospital. I had Saturday classes. My family came to visit for a week.
The Fall 2011 semester was difficult. I was put in charge of coordinating and collecting many resources for the group therapy program. It was exciting and liberating to actually have my ideas acknowledged and even used. It gave me hope that I can still meaningfully contribute, which I haven't felt in years.
For October and November, I barely worked. My work time is limited as it is because of my school commitments. But for those months, most of the days I was available to work, they didn't put me on the schedule. On the days I was scheduled, I was often called off for "overstaffing" - interpreted: "We actually have enough staff on schedule to manage any and all situations, but that costs too much money, so we're going to operate on the bare minimum and hope to God nothing happens." I think I worked maybe 2 days the whole month of November.
I did work more in December, thanks to the school semester ending. I made all A's last semester. Christmas break went generally well, as detailed in my Christmas post. The day before I left North Carolina, I was checking the newspaper's website for my current home. Once again, my workplace was in the news. One of the psychiatrists for the facility, who treats sex offenders no less, was arrested for hiring prostitutes. Incidentally, the case was dismissed because the arresting officer was also arrested for unrelated sketchy illegal activities. Just love South Carolina!
New Year's Eve I worked day shift , before going to Olive Garden with a friend, and then we came to my house and watched movies and the Dick Clark New Year's countdown. And so was 2011.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Christmas
The last couple of days have been somewhat contemplative for me, as Christmas often is.
Friday I went to the Christmas party for my mom's side of the family. It was actually pretty decent. Although I couldn't help but feel amused that an aunt and uncle got me an ice scraper as a gift. Albeit a very nice one. I live in a part of the country where generally, ice only exists in refrigerator freezers. In all fairness, they also got one for my cousin. My cousin who doesn't drive and doesn't own a car.
Saturday, we went to a local park, which had Christmas lights up for display. It wasn't as good as the light displays in the park I go to every year in South Carolina, but it was still fun. On the way home, we stopped by a house that had an amazing light display, which I was able to video:
This morning, we had the Christmas gathering for my dad's side of the family, which was just his older brother and sister. They came to my parents' house, and we had breakfast, and we went to church.
Church with my fundamentalist family usually bores and frustrates me. Today, however, I just felt sad for them. The sermon was entitled "When God Came to Earth", and was..... well, what would be expected at a conservative church with a sermon of that title. I just kept thinking, "Why can't they understand that God never "left" Earth? Why can't they see that God is all around us, in everything we see, and within ourselves?" It saddens me that they can't see what a beautiful creation this is, and that God isn't just some stodgy guy in the heavens watching us with disdain, unless we think and believe The Right Things. No wonder we as a species are so war-torn, domineering, and destructive - we have no collective self-esteem or self-worth.
After church, we came back to my house and opened gifts. Then went to my aunt's house for lunch/dinner and opening gifts. Then we came back home and watched Christmas movies. I got some good movies, some not so good movies, some cologne, and a nice jacket. All in all, it wasn't a bad holiday. Now we'll see how I'll survive the rest of the week!
Friday I went to the Christmas party for my mom's side of the family. It was actually pretty decent. Although I couldn't help but feel amused that an aunt and uncle got me an ice scraper as a gift. Albeit a very nice one. I live in a part of the country where generally, ice only exists in refrigerator freezers. In all fairness, they also got one for my cousin. My cousin who doesn't drive and doesn't own a car.
Saturday, we went to a local park, which had Christmas lights up for display. It wasn't as good as the light displays in the park I go to every year in South Carolina, but it was still fun. On the way home, we stopped by a house that had an amazing light display, which I was able to video:
This morning, we had the Christmas gathering for my dad's side of the family, which was just his older brother and sister. They came to my parents' house, and we had breakfast, and we went to church.
Church with my fundamentalist family usually bores and frustrates me. Today, however, I just felt sad for them. The sermon was entitled "When God Came to Earth", and was..... well, what would be expected at a conservative church with a sermon of that title. I just kept thinking, "Why can't they understand that God never "left" Earth? Why can't they see that God is all around us, in everything we see, and within ourselves?" It saddens me that they can't see what a beautiful creation this is, and that God isn't just some stodgy guy in the heavens watching us with disdain, unless we think and believe The Right Things. No wonder we as a species are so war-torn, domineering, and destructive - we have no collective self-esteem or self-worth.
After church, we came back to my house and opened gifts. Then went to my aunt's house for lunch/dinner and opening gifts. Then we came back home and watched Christmas movies. I got some good movies, some not so good movies, some cologne, and a nice jacket. All in all, it wasn't a bad holiday. Now we'll see how I'll survive the rest of the week!
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