I had just finished a home visit with a family on my caseload on a cold, late-January evening. After leaving, I noticed I had a voicemail on my phone. The number was a restricted number. I listened to the message, assuming it was my aunt, the only person I knew who had a restricted number.
The voice on the other end was not my aunt. It was my father.
I had finally gotten the nerve to mail him the letter just the week before. I had updated it to include my phone number and email address, and providing a new mailing address. He had emailed me and called me on the very day he received the letter.
We talked for about thirty minutes. He asked me about pictures he had seen online - it turns out he had been keeping tabs on me all these years, just waiting for me to contact him. He told me several times how proud he is of me. We spent the next several days emailing each other. I finally got the questions I had wanted answered for twenty years, answered. I heard his side of how things went down between he and my mother. His only remaining family is a sister and some nephews and nieces, and I am his only child. He married soon after things ended with my mother, but they divorced and he has not married since. He is very nomadic, having moved from state to state simply for the hell of it, because he gets tired of living somewhere. He emailed me a picture of himself so I would know what he looked like. Turns out we are almost carbon copies of each other. After hearing his side of events, and seeing how much we looked alike, so many of my childhood issues finally seemed to be making sense. No wonder my mom treated me the way she did when I was a child - we look so much alike, I was a constant reminder of decisions and days that she would rather have forgotten. When he asked, I was honest (well, to a point) about what my mother had told me about him. What really amazed me, is that after years of being told by her that he was practically the devil incarnate, and never having a nice thing to say about him, he has not once said anything negative about her. In fact, his advice was to never stop loving my family, and not let myself be consumed by hatred, because he's been down that road and it ruined him. He still views my mother as "the one that got away", and says that the day that she walked out on him, with me in her arms, is the hardest thing he's ever been through.
January had already been a whirlwind month. By this point in the month, I had already gone on several dates with a beautiful girl whom I was very attracted to. We initially met up at Barnes and Noble. We talked for four hours straight. Throughout the course of the month, she stated that she was very interested in me, but was wanting to take it slow because I'm her first post-divorce dating experience. I, of course, was perfectly okay with taking things slowly, as I haven't been in a relationship since 2007, and didn't want to jump into anything myself. I had also just passed my licensing exam, making me an official LMSW. And my roommate and I had just obtained approval on a house for rent, and would be moving at the first of March. I would no longer be sleeping on a couch. I would have my own space. Be able to get my own furniture. Be able to get all of my stuff back out of storage. For the first time in a long time, I felt good about my life. I was excited that so many things seemed to finally be coming together at once. I was relieved that my father was receptive to connecting with me, and that I had found a girl I thought I could potentially be happy with. But yet, so much was changing in my life, in just one month, that I was apprehensive. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. After all, it would seem that nothing positive ever lasts for long when it concerns me. The other shoe always finds a way to drop. And so, I waited. And hoped I was wrong.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Friday, July 20, 2012
Patterns
It's interesting the way patterns seem to work in life.
When I first felt the pull to move to the coast, I took a retail position to get me here, so that I would be local when looking for work in my career field. I found a couple of roommates, who turned out to be alcoholics and potheads. I found new roommates and moved, just in time to get hired back into my chosen field.
When it came time to start school, I ended up having to move again. Again, I happened to land just the right roommate - for the time - who would be willing to work with me with my changing financial situation as my school responsibilities became more demanding and took me away from work.
Now, as I'm seeking work again (this time appropriate to my now completed level of education), I'm also moving again. I finish moving into my friend's apartment next weekend (taking some smaller stuff over here and there in the meantime, and her parents are letting me use their spare bedroom for bigger things like my bed and bookshelf). I had a job interview today that seems promising. It's basically a case manager position. They get referrals from DSS of families that are in danger of having the children removed, and the company tries to develop plans, resources, etc. to help the parents learn new skills to prevent that from happening. The pay would be $31,500/year, plus benefits and mileage/cellphone reimbursements. While that's a good deal lower than a lot of jobs that are Masters level, it's still at least $11,000 more a year I currently make, so I'm now wondering if I got the job, if it would be enough to quit my current part-time job and still be able to afford my own apartment (probably in the same complex that my friend is in), with all the other bills I have.
Honestly, the job makes me a little nervous too. I haven't done very much work with parents, only the kids. And it will mean home visits in quite shady neighborhoods, and running into drug use, etc. I understand that as a social worker I have to deal with some sketchy people, but I don't want to worry about my safety in doing so, you know?
Guess we'll see what happens next. They said they'd have a decision by Wednesday.
When I first felt the pull to move to the coast, I took a retail position to get me here, so that I would be local when looking for work in my career field. I found a couple of roommates, who turned out to be alcoholics and potheads. I found new roommates and moved, just in time to get hired back into my chosen field.
When it came time to start school, I ended up having to move again. Again, I happened to land just the right roommate - for the time - who would be willing to work with me with my changing financial situation as my school responsibilities became more demanding and took me away from work.
Now, as I'm seeking work again (this time appropriate to my now completed level of education), I'm also moving again. I finish moving into my friend's apartment next weekend (taking some smaller stuff over here and there in the meantime, and her parents are letting me use their spare bedroom for bigger things like my bed and bookshelf). I had a job interview today that seems promising. It's basically a case manager position. They get referrals from DSS of families that are in danger of having the children removed, and the company tries to develop plans, resources, etc. to help the parents learn new skills to prevent that from happening. The pay would be $31,500/year, plus benefits and mileage/cellphone reimbursements. While that's a good deal lower than a lot of jobs that are Masters level, it's still at least $11,000 more a year I currently make, so I'm now wondering if I got the job, if it would be enough to quit my current part-time job and still be able to afford my own apartment (probably in the same complex that my friend is in), with all the other bills I have.
Honestly, the job makes me a little nervous too. I haven't done very much work with parents, only the kids. And it will mean home visits in quite shady neighborhoods, and running into drug use, etc. I understand that as a social worker I have to deal with some sketchy people, but I don't want to worry about my safety in doing so, you know?
Guess we'll see what happens next. They said they'd have a decision by Wednesday.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Changes
Well, the job interview I recently had was basically a dead end. Again. They seemed interested, but it turned out to basically be the mental health equivalent of "a temp job", where when and if I get called to work is dependent on when an agency refers a client to them. So, in the interviewer's words "you could go three months without getting called for a client." And I just can't afford to leave my current job on such uncertain terms, no matter how much I want to.
So, I decided to make the current job as painless and drama-free as I possibly can, considering the situation and all of the other various complaints I've had over the last couple of years. I realized the following things:
(1) I don't have much of a weekend, between classes on Saturdays and work on Sundays
(2) I'm 28 and single, so I kind of want to have at least a little bit of a weekend
(3) My regular days off this year are Mondays and Wednesdays, where I am not at work, class, *or* my internship (classes Saturdays, work Fridays and Sundays, internship Tuesdays and Thursdays)
(4) I'm virtually an insomniac at times
(5) I could work night shift on Sundays, catch up on sleep on Mondays, and since it's only one night a week, it shouldn't screw up my sleep schedule worse than it already is.
So, I revised my October calendar of availability and turned that in to my bosses. I will still work my original evening shift on Fridays, but on Sundays I will do night shift. That will hopefully be at least one shift a week where I'm not pulled into drama, being put into extremely compromising situations, or generally just have to deal with all the BS. On a somewhat unfortunate note, because I was late in turning in the revised schedule, three of the four Sundays I wrote down to work, were already over staffed, so I only work one Sunday in October. Which means I will not work much for October and therefore be more poor. But, hopefully it will be worth it in the long run, and I can make my small paychecks and what's left of financial aid overage check, last until next semester's overage check.
So, I decided to make the current job as painless and drama-free as I possibly can, considering the situation and all of the other various complaints I've had over the last couple of years. I realized the following things:
(1) I don't have much of a weekend, between classes on Saturdays and work on Sundays
(2) I'm 28 and single, so I kind of want to have at least a little bit of a weekend
(3) My regular days off this year are Mondays and Wednesdays, where I am not at work, class, *or* my internship (classes Saturdays, work Fridays and Sundays, internship Tuesdays and Thursdays)
(4) I'm virtually an insomniac at times
(5) I could work night shift on Sundays, catch up on sleep on Mondays, and since it's only one night a week, it shouldn't screw up my sleep schedule worse than it already is.
So, I revised my October calendar of availability and turned that in to my bosses. I will still work my original evening shift on Fridays, but on Sundays I will do night shift. That will hopefully be at least one shift a week where I'm not pulled into drama, being put into extremely compromising situations, or generally just have to deal with all the BS. On a somewhat unfortunate note, because I was late in turning in the revised schedule, three of the four Sundays I wrote down to work, were already over staffed, so I only work one Sunday in October. Which means I will not work much for October and therefore be more poor. But, hopefully it will be worth it in the long run, and I can make my small paychecks and what's left of financial aid overage check, last until next semester's overage check.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Crossroads
I know I haven't updated in awhile. Honestly, just not much has been going on - whether spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc. - that I've felt has been worth writing about.
Summer classes have started. It's going to be another difficult semester. But, if I can muster through it, I'll only have two more to go. I still haven't heard back from my upcoming internship's HR department to schedule the orientation. I'm giving them until early July to contact me, though(internship starts in August), because I know HR departments are notoriously disorganized and scattered (at least around here), and this is the biggest hospital, and the biggest non-tourism-related employer, in the region. So I'm thinking maybe they're kind of slow.
My place of employment continues to be in the news on a regular basis. There were two more escapes on June 5, although they caught them much quicker. That made headlines. Apparently last week, while I was on vacation, a 1st shift staff was assaulted, resulting in a broken nose and stitches. He filed a police report, and so that made headlines as well. Basically, at this point, ANYTHING that happens there ends up in the news, it seems. I've seriously begun debating trying to get my old job back at Home Depot. I feel like I'm not really making much of a difference there at this point (if I ever was to begin with). The most positive thing I've seen there in months is the fact that I've begun being asked more frequently by the recreational staff to come in early to assist on outings with the kids who have earned time outside of the facility (first it was to a local baseball game, and this Thursday I'm going with them to see Green Lantern). I fear being dragged down with this place the worse things get. DHEC (Department of Health and Environmental Control, the licensing body for group homes, nursing homes, hospitals, etc.) is investigating. Something is going to have to change. They are either going to change policies, or be shut down. If nothing else, they're going to have to do something to get the media off their backs, because everything that happens now ends up in the news. One of my good friends already quit, and another was basically fired for a pre-existing health condition that administrators knew about when they hired her (as soon as she was fired, she filed a complaint with EEOC). Although I'm working more this summer (since I don't have internship) to save up some money, once my internship starts I'm planning on cutting my hours back to two days a week, no matter how poor I get. My concern is whether or not other places of employment would work with my school schedule. I've applied to plenty of other jobs the last three and a half years, with no luck. The most recent definitely wouldn't have cooperated with my school schedule and commitments. That really is the place's only selling point for me staying there at this point - it truly is the ideal place for people who need flexible schedules. I just wonder where the line is, if it's really worth staying there at this point and risk getting pulled into more drama, if that's the only thing keeping me there.
This has gotten long, so consider this "Part 1" of a "catch-up" post. Next time I post (hopefully soon), I'll go more into the vacation I just had, as it was a very eventful week!
Summer classes have started. It's going to be another difficult semester. But, if I can muster through it, I'll only have two more to go. I still haven't heard back from my upcoming internship's HR department to schedule the orientation. I'm giving them until early July to contact me, though(internship starts in August), because I know HR departments are notoriously disorganized and scattered (at least around here), and this is the biggest hospital, and the biggest non-tourism-related employer, in the region. So I'm thinking maybe they're kind of slow.
My place of employment continues to be in the news on a regular basis. There were two more escapes on June 5, although they caught them much quicker. That made headlines. Apparently last week, while I was on vacation, a 1st shift staff was assaulted, resulting in a broken nose and stitches. He filed a police report, and so that made headlines as well. Basically, at this point, ANYTHING that happens there ends up in the news, it seems. I've seriously begun debating trying to get my old job back at Home Depot. I feel like I'm not really making much of a difference there at this point (if I ever was to begin with). The most positive thing I've seen there in months is the fact that I've begun being asked more frequently by the recreational staff to come in early to assist on outings with the kids who have earned time outside of the facility (first it was to a local baseball game, and this Thursday I'm going with them to see Green Lantern). I fear being dragged down with this place the worse things get. DHEC (Department of Health and Environmental Control, the licensing body for group homes, nursing homes, hospitals, etc.) is investigating. Something is going to have to change. They are either going to change policies, or be shut down. If nothing else, they're going to have to do something to get the media off their backs, because everything that happens now ends up in the news. One of my good friends already quit, and another was basically fired for a pre-existing health condition that administrators knew about when they hired her (as soon as she was fired, she filed a complaint with EEOC). Although I'm working more this summer (since I don't have internship) to save up some money, once my internship starts I'm planning on cutting my hours back to two days a week, no matter how poor I get. My concern is whether or not other places of employment would work with my school schedule. I've applied to plenty of other jobs the last three and a half years, with no luck. The most recent definitely wouldn't have cooperated with my school schedule and commitments. That really is the place's only selling point for me staying there at this point - it truly is the ideal place for people who need flexible schedules. I just wonder where the line is, if it's really worth staying there at this point and risk getting pulled into more drama, if that's the only thing keeping me there.
This has gotten long, so consider this "Part 1" of a "catch-up" post. Next time I post (hopefully soon), I'll go more into the vacation I just had, as it was a very eventful week!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
A Balancing Act: Order out of Chaos
I went to church today. For the second Sunday in a row. It's progress, at least. We have a new interim minister, he seems like he'll be interesting.
After church, I went to Waterfront Park, where I read another chapter in the current book I'm reading, wrote in my journal, and generally was deep in thought. My thoughts further went to the topic of these last two entries: balance.
What is balance, anyways? It would seem that one must know the answer to that question before achieving it. Is it meditating? Is it being "one with nature"? Is it simply being happy with your life as is?
Perhaps balance is about something more. Should it be about having friendships and hobbies outside of your workplace/family life? 98% of my friends live generally too far away for me to meet up with on a regular basis, and our schedules conflict too much to meet. Most I haven't seen in at least a couple of years. The other 2% are work friends, and just about the only thing we have in common are when we are venting about work over a beer/soda after our shift. And hobbies? I suck at art. I love to travel to new, faraway places, but don't have time and can't afford it. I want to try things like kayaking and canoeing, but I hesitate to try such activities alone for safety reasons, and meeting up with friends is presented with the aforementioned issue.
Then I think, maybe balance is a little bit of all of that, based on the circumstances you're in. Maybe I should try kayaking by myself(after of course seeking instruction from a class, or maybe at least having a guide with me). Maybe I should attempt to attend church more regularly than I do, in order to further develop the acquaintances I've made through others of similar religious leanings. Maybe I should go to the next Buddhist meditation group meeting that meets once a month. Or perhaps I'll become further active in the church's Environmental Missions Group, which I'm officially a member of, which works to promote environmentally friendly practices among the church's members, including being the primary coordinator of the church's Earth Day celebrations(in my particular church, the only celebrations that surpass Earth Day are Christmas and Easter, and they make a very big deal out of Earth Day).
I have yet to find a meditation technique that really consistently works for me. God knows I need the stress reduction. I have my Oracle cards and Tarot cards. I also have a set of Runes that I haven't yet learned the meanings for to even begin to know how to meditate on them or use them. I have books with meditation techniques, such as one that has a "finger labyrinth", for you to meditate while tracing your finger through the maze. I just rediscovered that one last night, so perhaps I'll try it. I even have this watercolor board, that I bought from the bargain section of a Barnes & Noble, where you can paint on it with water, and as the water fades, the painting disappears. It's supposed to represent you getting your stresses out, and seeing them fade away as the water dries. I have beautiful sounding New Age music on my iPod, which works less for meditation and more to help me get to sleep on a restless night. My mind has too much chatter, too much going on inside it. If I'm not worried about something, I'm thinking about something. If I'm not thinking about something, I'm planning something. The curse of the intellectual.
Perhaps, in the end, balance is just about being who you are, right now. Having everything you need for the moment, no matter your situation. Perhaps it's as the poem "Four Things" states: if you have faith, peace, love, and friends, you have everything.
What is balance, anyways? It would seem that one must know the answer to that question before achieving it. Is it meditating? Is it being "one with nature"? Is it simply being happy with your life as is?
Perhaps balance is about something more. Should it be about having friendships and hobbies outside of your workplace/family life? 98% of my friends live generally too far away for me to meet up with on a regular basis, and our schedules conflict too much to meet. Most I haven't seen in at least a couple of years. The other 2% are work friends, and just about the only thing we have in common are when we are venting about work over a beer/soda after our shift. And hobbies? I suck at art. I love to travel to new, faraway places, but don't have time and can't afford it. I want to try things like kayaking and canoeing, but I hesitate to try such activities alone for safety reasons, and meeting up with friends is presented with the aforementioned issue.
Then I think, maybe balance is a little bit of all of that, based on the circumstances you're in. Maybe I should try kayaking by myself(after of course seeking instruction from a class, or maybe at least having a guide with me). Maybe I should attempt to attend church more regularly than I do, in order to further develop the acquaintances I've made through others of similar religious leanings. Maybe I should go to the next Buddhist meditation group meeting that meets once a month. Or perhaps I'll become further active in the church's Environmental Missions Group, which I'm officially a member of, which works to promote environmentally friendly practices among the church's members, including being the primary coordinator of the church's Earth Day celebrations(in my particular church, the only celebrations that surpass Earth Day are Christmas and Easter, and they make a very big deal out of Earth Day).
I have yet to find a meditation technique that really consistently works for me. God knows I need the stress reduction. I have my Oracle cards and Tarot cards. I also have a set of Runes that I haven't yet learned the meanings for to even begin to know how to meditate on them or use them. I have books with meditation techniques, such as one that has a "finger labyrinth", for you to meditate while tracing your finger through the maze. I just rediscovered that one last night, so perhaps I'll try it. I even have this watercolor board, that I bought from the bargain section of a Barnes & Noble, where you can paint on it with water, and as the water fades, the painting disappears. It's supposed to represent you getting your stresses out, and seeing them fade away as the water dries. I have beautiful sounding New Age music on my iPod, which works less for meditation and more to help me get to sleep on a restless night. My mind has too much chatter, too much going on inside it. If I'm not worried about something, I'm thinking about something. If I'm not thinking about something, I'm planning something. The curse of the intellectual.
Perhaps, in the end, balance is just about being who you are, right now. Having everything you need for the moment, no matter your situation. Perhaps it's as the poem "Four Things" states: if you have faith, peace, love, and friends, you have everything.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
A Balancing Act: The Chaos of Life
While this blog is primarily geared towards my spirituality and spiritual practice, this entry may end up being more about work. This blog is still in its early stages, and as I believe all areas of life are intertwined, aspects of life such as where one works, can effect their spiritual practices(and vice versa). Therefore, I feel occasionally discussing my work(to the extent I'm legally allowed), such as in this entry, provides a bigger picture of who I am as a person, and how that impacts my spirituality. So while there is a spiritual topic in mind for this entry, as has happened before, the backstory may end up becoming the focus. Such is the case with free-association writing, I suppose.
I work at what is most easily explained as a mental hospital for adolescents. The facility has two units: a general aggressive/addictions side, and a sex offender side. From February 2008 to July 1, 2010, I worked full-time, 2nd shift. As of July 1, I am part-time/flex. This basically means that every month, I give my supervisors a calendar of what days and hours I'm available to work for that month. This month the schedule is pretty much the same, and I still will primarily work 2nd shift, with a few days doing a split shift(i.e., first shift is from 7:00am-3:30pm;second shift is 3:00pm-11:30pm; on split shift days I will be working, for example, 11:00am-7:30pm). I did this in part to make more time for grad school, as I start my first internship next month. In part, it is also because I'm just sick of the drama and want to be there as little as I can. Since other places seem hesitant to hire a grad student, this is the best arrangement I've been able to come up with. If all goes as planned, I will be there just enough to pay the bills; financial aid overage checks each semester will fill in the gaps; and aside from vision, I'm not worried about insurance, as I have student insurance through my school, which is included in my tuition.
This place is one of the most corrupt I have ever worked. We are supposed to have a staff-to-patient ratio of 1 staff for every 5 patients, however I have been regularly left alone with as many as 15 kids. We don't find out until we arrive at our shift which unit we are going to work on - 99% of the time, I work the sex offender side, although once in a while I work the general aggressive side, usually when it's decided one of the sex offenders has become unhealthily attached to me. I've been involved in three serious runaway attempts since starting working there, and in all three incidents, they have tried to find some way to blame me for it. Two of those incidents, I was the only staff actually trying to catch the kid. The most recent, I single-handedly stopped the kid from jumping over the gates, and their reaction was still basically "you should have never let him get out of the building to begin with." The one prior to that, it was thought(admittedly by myself as well) that the kid running was somehow due to not getting to talk to me when he wanted(because he was VERY attached to me, and pretty much as close to my stalker as you can get in a hospital setting), and I worked the general aggressive unit for two months, until I was assaulted, resulting in a black eye, busted lip, bruised ear, mild concussion, and a broken nose that required surgery. It was premeditated for two days before the attack, the kid's therapist had been warned, as had administrative staff and my supervisors, and I still ended up assigned to that kid's area. And then, they attempted to cover it up. Some co-worker friends looked shortly after, and the documentation regarding the incident "disappeared", the police report I still have in my possession being the only evidence I know of. Most recently, we admitted three patients who were on their local news for starting a riot at their previous facility. The parent company, Psychiatric Solutions, Inc., has been in a slew of legal troubles and malpractice issues involving patients being raped, deaths, and even a riot that required a SWAT team.
At my facility I work in itself, there is little communication between staff or departments. I've seen staff curse at kids;a staff was recently fired for throwing a shoe at a kid;and I've heard of at least one staff who sneaks alcohol and drinks on the job. On the sex offender unit, the kids are divided into groups 1 and 2. I was assigned to group 1, with the additional assignment of being in charge of monitoring laundry. The kids are designated specific laundry days to manage this, Rooms 1, 3, and 5 on Monday, rooms 7, 9, and 11 on Tuesday, etc. This is because in a 60 bed facility, there are only 3 washers and 3 dryers. The sex offender unit has one washer, one dryer, and 27 kids. I went around the rooms, making a list of who needed to wash clothes, starting off with whoever was actually designated for that day, and planning on fitting in emergency washes as I'm able afterwards. A co-worker and good friend of mine was assigned to shower duty. 27 kids and two bathrooms mean one staff pretty much has to spend the whole shift making sure everybody gets a shower and is able to use the restroom when needed, because of course, there can't be more than one person in the bathroom at a time, because they could rape each other and God knows what else since there are no cameras in the bathroom. Another co-worker was assigned to the hallway, to monitor the kids who, for one reason or another, was either unable or unwilling to go to their designated group areas(each unit has a "day room", a "living room", two bathrooms, and their bedrooms, the doors of which have to remain open) and remained in their bedrooms. However, that staff took on the responsibility of doing laundry upon himself, resulting in (1)kids getting to do laundry that I had not intended to do laundry yet, (2)kids not doing laundry that should have, and (3)my co-worker, a female, being basically left alone with a 17year old schizoaffective serial rapist who has even tried to rape his social worker.
Thursday was probably the only day that week that I wasn't assigned, alone, to the hall, with the kids who can't or won't go anywhere. Included in that group is this one 11 year old kid. I have been instructed by not only my supervisors, but their supervisors as well, not to restrain the kid should he become destructive or aggressive towards himself or others. The reason, is because he specifically puts me in situations to where I do have to, because he is attracted to me and gets sexual gratification out of my restraining him. But yet I still end up being assigned to his area 95% of the time. So what always ends up happening, is that I'll be with him, inevitably he'll start acting out, then I'll have to switch out with another staff so that they can restrain him, because I've been ordered not to. Yesterday, I was with him for a good 3-4 hours before a co-worker finally relieved me so I could take my 30 minute meal break. When I returned, I asked that co-worker if he was okay staying there for awhile while I worked his area a bit, to give me a chance to move around a little and work off some energy, get some paperwork done, etc., and he was fine with it. The kid started biting himself and proceeded to be disruptive for the next 2-3 hours. Knowing that he wanted me there, I intentionally didn't return to his area after that, because that would be reinforcing the negative behavior and thoughts that say "If I want this, I'll hurt myself and get my way". It gets to be very overwhelming - I'm the "go to" person for a lot of my coworkers, and I regularly get called on by most of the kids on the unit I'm working for everything from "I need to see the nurse for my headache" to "My roommate just hit me". Even if there are 5 other staff in the area, I'm the one people keep yelling for. In spite of my unsuccessful attempts otherwise, kids try to call me "Uncle", "Dad", "big brother", etc. All at once, I'll have one kid asking me some weird question, the 11 year old acting like my shadow, and another kid trying to talk to me about some book, and then inevitably going into tirades of "shut the fuck up, I'm talking to Chad!" when someone interrupts him.
I was going to do this as one entry, with the reflections on the background info at the end. But, as I predicted, the backstory became the focus, and it's gotten very long. So this is to be continued in "A Balancing Act: Order out of Chaos".
I work at what is most easily explained as a mental hospital for adolescents. The facility has two units: a general aggressive/addictions side, and a sex offender side. From February 2008 to July 1, 2010, I worked full-time, 2nd shift. As of July 1, I am part-time/flex. This basically means that every month, I give my supervisors a calendar of what days and hours I'm available to work for that month. This month the schedule is pretty much the same, and I still will primarily work 2nd shift, with a few days doing a split shift(i.e., first shift is from 7:00am-3:30pm;second shift is 3:00pm-11:30pm; on split shift days I will be working, for example, 11:00am-7:30pm). I did this in part to make more time for grad school, as I start my first internship next month. In part, it is also because I'm just sick of the drama and want to be there as little as I can. Since other places seem hesitant to hire a grad student, this is the best arrangement I've been able to come up with. If all goes as planned, I will be there just enough to pay the bills; financial aid overage checks each semester will fill in the gaps; and aside from vision, I'm not worried about insurance, as I have student insurance through my school, which is included in my tuition.
This place is one of the most corrupt I have ever worked. We are supposed to have a staff-to-patient ratio of 1 staff for every 5 patients, however I have been regularly left alone with as many as 15 kids. We don't find out until we arrive at our shift which unit we are going to work on - 99% of the time, I work the sex offender side, although once in a while I work the general aggressive side, usually when it's decided one of the sex offenders has become unhealthily attached to me. I've been involved in three serious runaway attempts since starting working there, and in all three incidents, they have tried to find some way to blame me for it. Two of those incidents, I was the only staff actually trying to catch the kid. The most recent, I single-handedly stopped the kid from jumping over the gates, and their reaction was still basically "you should have never let him get out of the building to begin with." The one prior to that, it was thought(admittedly by myself as well) that the kid running was somehow due to not getting to talk to me when he wanted(because he was VERY attached to me, and pretty much as close to my stalker as you can get in a hospital setting), and I worked the general aggressive unit for two months, until I was assaulted, resulting in a black eye, busted lip, bruised ear, mild concussion, and a broken nose that required surgery. It was premeditated for two days before the attack, the kid's therapist had been warned, as had administrative staff and my supervisors, and I still ended up assigned to that kid's area. And then, they attempted to cover it up. Some co-worker friends looked shortly after, and the documentation regarding the incident "disappeared", the police report I still have in my possession being the only evidence I know of. Most recently, we admitted three patients who were on their local news for starting a riot at their previous facility. The parent company, Psychiatric Solutions, Inc., has been in a slew of legal troubles and malpractice issues involving patients being raped, deaths, and even a riot that required a SWAT team.
At my facility I work in itself, there is little communication between staff or departments. I've seen staff curse at kids;a staff was recently fired for throwing a shoe at a kid;and I've heard of at least one staff who sneaks alcohol and drinks on the job. On the sex offender unit, the kids are divided into groups 1 and 2. I was assigned to group 1, with the additional assignment of being in charge of monitoring laundry. The kids are designated specific laundry days to manage this, Rooms 1, 3, and 5 on Monday, rooms 7, 9, and 11 on Tuesday, etc. This is because in a 60 bed facility, there are only 3 washers and 3 dryers. The sex offender unit has one washer, one dryer, and 27 kids. I went around the rooms, making a list of who needed to wash clothes, starting off with whoever was actually designated for that day, and planning on fitting in emergency washes as I'm able afterwards. A co-worker and good friend of mine was assigned to shower duty. 27 kids and two bathrooms mean one staff pretty much has to spend the whole shift making sure everybody gets a shower and is able to use the restroom when needed, because of course, there can't be more than one person in the bathroom at a time, because they could rape each other and God knows what else since there are no cameras in the bathroom. Another co-worker was assigned to the hallway, to monitor the kids who, for one reason or another, was either unable or unwilling to go to their designated group areas(each unit has a "day room", a "living room", two bathrooms, and their bedrooms, the doors of which have to remain open) and remained in their bedrooms. However, that staff took on the responsibility of doing laundry upon himself, resulting in (1)kids getting to do laundry that I had not intended to do laundry yet, (2)kids not doing laundry that should have, and (3)my co-worker, a female, being basically left alone with a 17year old schizoaffective serial rapist who has even tried to rape his social worker.
Thursday was probably the only day that week that I wasn't assigned, alone, to the hall, with the kids who can't or won't go anywhere. Included in that group is this one 11 year old kid. I have been instructed by not only my supervisors, but their supervisors as well, not to restrain the kid should he become destructive or aggressive towards himself or others. The reason, is because he specifically puts me in situations to where I do have to, because he is attracted to me and gets sexual gratification out of my restraining him. But yet I still end up being assigned to his area 95% of the time. So what always ends up happening, is that I'll be with him, inevitably he'll start acting out, then I'll have to switch out with another staff so that they can restrain him, because I've been ordered not to. Yesterday, I was with him for a good 3-4 hours before a co-worker finally relieved me so I could take my 30 minute meal break. When I returned, I asked that co-worker if he was okay staying there for awhile while I worked his area a bit, to give me a chance to move around a little and work off some energy, get some paperwork done, etc., and he was fine with it. The kid started biting himself and proceeded to be disruptive for the next 2-3 hours. Knowing that he wanted me there, I intentionally didn't return to his area after that, because that would be reinforcing the negative behavior and thoughts that say "If I want this, I'll hurt myself and get my way". It gets to be very overwhelming - I'm the "go to" person for a lot of my coworkers, and I regularly get called on by most of the kids on the unit I'm working for everything from "I need to see the nurse for my headache" to "My roommate just hit me". Even if there are 5 other staff in the area, I'm the one people keep yelling for. In spite of my unsuccessful attempts otherwise, kids try to call me "Uncle", "Dad", "big brother", etc. All at once, I'll have one kid asking me some weird question, the 11 year old acting like my shadow, and another kid trying to talk to me about some book, and then inevitably going into tirades of "shut the fuck up, I'm talking to Chad!" when someone interrupts him.
I was going to do this as one entry, with the reflections on the background info at the end. But, as I predicted, the backstory became the focus, and it's gotten very long. So this is to be continued in "A Balancing Act: Order out of Chaos".
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