Friday, September 17, 2010

We interrupt this program.....

for a non-spiritual mini-rant, because I just need to vent.

I really hate my damn job. I'm sick of being mistreated by staff, belittled, overworked, and threatened. I got off of work 5 hours later than I was supposed to, meaning I worked a 13 hour shift with one damn meal break. Meantime, all hell is breaking loose, and I'm informed by one kid that two of the other kids are deliberately causing confusion in an effort to get the chance to attack me. After all that, another staff bitched at me when I finally did leave, and some of them hadn't gotten to eat yet. Well sorry, would've stayed if I could, but it's not my problem. Try 13 hours with one meal break, asswipe. I need to get out of that shithole. I actually am one of the few staff that attempt to enforce the rules, and NOTHING happens. The kids get no consequences. Nobody gives a damn. We're just babysitting the next generation of inmates. Our only contribution to society is our recidivism. Hell, even the kids that leave "successfully", I know of at least TWO, graduates from the sex offender program of all places, that have gotten some teenage girl knocked up within 4 months of leaving. And these are our success stories? What the fuck.

There, I feel a little better now.


Angel said...


The only emotional resolution I've been able to make on days like the one you're describing is this: "I can't help other people's decisions. And I resolve not to feel badly about their mistakes or allow them to try and make me feel responsible for any of it."

Scream. Then detach.

(Although at this point I'm concerned that you might end up screaming at your co-workers or the kids instead of inside a closet. Hmm... that might not be such a bad thing.)

I hope that better job prospects become visible to you before too much longer.

Just last night my husband and I were becoming more stressed out and concerned with where the heck we're going to put the computer our kids are about to receive from the school(virtual school). No desk. No money for a desk. I mean like NO MONEY for a desk!! We're broke. Lo and behold, I had the kids take the trash out this evening and they both came back in yelling, "there's a desk out by the dumpster!!! We've got to go get it!!" It's perfect. We dragged that sucker home and it's sitting in our living room now.

One door closes and another opens.

Bridget's Fire said...

"When You Feel Like You Don't Fit In:

Sometimes the world feels inhospitable. You feel all the ways that you and it dont fit. You see whats missing, and how it all could be different.

And so you feel alone, as if you werent meant for the world, or the world wasnt meant for you. You get timid. You feel lost in wasteful dreams.

You see the world as the way it is and your discomfort with it as a problem.

But what if this: You are meant to feel the world is inhospitable, unfriendly, off-track in just the particular ways that you do.

The world has a you-shaped hole in it. It is missing what you see. It lacks what you know.

And so you were called into being to see the gap you see, to feel the pain of it, and to fill it.

Filling it is speaking what is missing. Filling it is stepping into the center of the crowd, into a clearing, and saying, here, my friends, is the future. Filling it is being what is missing, becoming it.

Then allies and energies will come to you like fireflies swirling around a light.

The roughness of the world, the off-track-ness, the folly that you see, these are the most precious gifts you will receive in this lifetime.

They are not here to distance you from the world, but to you guide you into your contribution to it.

The world was made with a you-shaped hole in it. In seeing that hole, yes, you are alone. But you are alone only until you begin speaking about it loudly, until you take the courageous step.

The world was made with a you-shaped hole in it. In that way you are important. In that way you are here to make the world. In that way you are called."

don't know where this came from, but thought it might help!