Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Fitting In

Sometimes I feel like I'll never really belong anywhere. Never have a "niche" where I'll fit in without feeling I have to compromise some part of who I am. I'm too liberal to fit in with the conservatives and most moderates, yet too apathetic to fit in with the liberals. I'm too spiritual to fit in with the agnostics/atheists, but not spiritual enough to fit in with religion. I'm too "New Agey" to fit in with the Christians, but too Christian to fit in with the "New Agers". I don't do "small talk" very well, which makes it hard to make new friends, and half the time, once we do get to that stage where we start to feel comfortable talking about the "deep" stuff that I actually know how to talk about, they aren't interested in what I have to say, or seem to be surprised when I think differently from them, and can't handle someone who doesn't mesh with the "status quo".

Summer semester is over. I know I've been sporadic in my updating. I've just been in a really.... apathetic.... phase right now.  It's like it takes every ounce of energy to just deal with school, work, and now my new internship. I think I'm over-extending myself, but I have to in order to finish school. I've become stagnant in relationships (or lack thereof) and sometimes I really just don't care. I'm searching for something, without really knowing what it is I'm searching for, or if I'll know when I find it.

To honor my goal of talking about vacation: It was good, considering my family was with me the whole time. Went to the local aquarium, showed some tourist sites. I wish I had more time for fun stuff like that. And maybe even more local friends to do it with. But, that never seems to happen. Because, as the title and opening statements already mention, I just don't fit in anywhere enough to really get to know people.


JeniMac said...

Sorry I'm just now reading this nearly a month after you posted! A lot of the ways in which you describe being different is what I've also experienced, only I haven't thought of it as being a negative thing. Being honest with myself and my existing friends was refreshing, and I was surprised to find that those friends still cared about me even though my personal opinions and beliefs were now dramatically different from them. Maybe the problem isn't fitting in--maybe it's allowing yourself to realize that you're not any different from the person your friends always liked and cared about. If you're going to let politics and religion define your circle of friends and acquaintances and, in turn, define your very existence, then you're on the losing end.

Chadly said...

I understand what you're saying, but I'm not referring to existing friends, really. I have had no problems continuing to be accepted among existing friends. My problems seem to come in when it involves meeting new people. And more particularly, when it comes to dating, or lack thereof. It's one thing when you're friends with someone who thinks significantly different from you in the points I mentioned in my post, but another matter altogether when a (potential) significant other is involved.

I know of exactly three ways to meet new people right now. One is church - where sometimes I fit in, sometimes I don't, and usually they're all a good bit older either way. One is work - where the only thing we really have in common is our job, and unless we're complaining about work, there's little conversation (with only one or two exceptions of people I have actually become close with - and frankly, given the work setting, I don't trust most of them anyways). And one is school, where again, class is the only thing we have in common, and most classmates have family commitments, etc. So it's not that I'm basing my relationships solely on the attributes mentioned in my posts, but that when I'm so different from others in my age range in regards to those points, it makes it hard. I feel stuck in how to meet new people and maybe even date once in awhile, when volunteer opportunities and meetup group events don't seem to work well with my work, internship, and class schedule. I guess it all really comes down to: I feel like a workaholic, I don't know how to meet new people, and it gets lonely sometimes.

JeniMac said...

Why don't you try an online dating site that has you define exactly what you're looking for? It may not get you a date, but even building up a bigger circle of internet friends can boost your confidence.

As far as friends, my original statement stands. I myself had to come to terms with my own changes and realize that I'm no different than the person I was when I believed in mainstream belief. If people liked me for who I was then then they would like me now. That made it easier to make new friends when I worked at the school--and these are friends I've held onto even though they know my outlook is dramatically different from them, although we've never necessarily talked about it other than them seeing it on facebook.

Have you looked into Maybe you can post something there about wanting to meet like-minded people.

Chadly said...

Been there done that. I'm actually on a few dating sites, in which I basically do spell out my personality, beliefs, etc. As for meetup groups, as I said, I'm a member of the site and several of its groups, but they always seem to schedule things when I'm at work, internship, or in class. So no go there either, right now.