Sometimes I feel like I'll never really belong anywhere. Never have a "niche" where I'll fit in without feeling I have to compromise some part of who I am. I'm too liberal to fit in with the conservatives and most moderates, yet too apathetic to fit in with the liberals. I'm too spiritual to fit in with the agnostics/atheists, but not spiritual enough to fit in with religion. I'm too "New Agey" to fit in with the Christians, but too Christian to fit in with the "New Agers". I don't do "small talk" very well, which makes it hard to make new friends, and half the time, once we do get to that stage where we start to feel comfortable talking about the "deep" stuff that I actually know how to talk about, they aren't interested in what I have to say, or seem to be surprised when I think differently from them, and can't handle someone who doesn't mesh with the "status quo".
Summer semester is over. I know I've been sporadic in my updating. I've just been in a really.... apathetic.... phase right now. It's like it takes every ounce of energy to just deal with school, work, and now my new internship. I think I'm over-extending myself, but I have to in order to finish school. I've become stagnant in relationships (or lack thereof) and sometimes I really just don't care. I'm searching for something, without really knowing what it is I'm searching for, or if I'll know when I find it.
To honor my goal of talking about vacation: It was good, considering my family was with me the whole time. Went to the local aquarium, showed some tourist sites. I wish I had more time for fun stuff like that. And maybe even more local friends to do it with. But, that never seems to happen. Because, as the title and opening statements already mention, I just don't fit in anywhere enough to really get to know people.
AAR Annual Meeting-III (2017)
4 days ago