2013: A Year in Review

I know I haven't posted in awhile. And I know I'm WAY behind in my usual "recap" blog entry.

The truth is, so much happened in 2013 that I don't even know where to begin.

On the career front, I started out working two jobs - part-time at the mental institute from Hell on weekends (although I regularly got sent home due to "overstaffing", which I did not mind at all), and full-time at a program which works with families at risk of DSS involvement in order to try to help them fix whatever problems they have so that DSS doesn't get involved. I quit the part-time job in February. My work performance at the full-time job was consistently, admittedly, lax and not to the best of my potential. Because of office politics, finances, and the other anxieties going on in my life, I suffered from a great deal of burnout. Fortunately, I found another job, and quit the Friday before Christmas.

On the financial front, the year has been a wreck. I started out sleeping on my best friend's couch. We had by this point decided to remain roommates and look for a 2-3 bedroom place together, which would help us both financially in the long run, sharing costs and such. After an identity theft, both of our finances pretty much became a wreck. Of course, this happened *after* we had moved and I had quit the part-time job. Otherwise, I probably would have been fine.

I also now have a dog, which I got easter weekend 2013. He's a Maltese/poodle mix, and I absolutely adore him.

On the relationship front, I finally got the nerve to come out as bisexual. I'm still not out to my family, as I'm still working on how to go about explaining bisexuality to fundamentalist Christians who barely understand your more often talked about "standard" homosexuality. Indeed, at this point I feel the only reason I would even bother coming out would be out of respect for my partner, if my partner turned out to be male, as at some point we would have to sort out things like holidays, having children, etc. Soon after I came out, I became much more active in dating. I had two relationships in the course of the year. Neither were very successful - one didn't have time for me, and the other wanted to change me too much to fit his expectations of what I *should* be like, including having an issue with me being bisexual, and pressuring me to come out to my family before I'm ready. We broke up on New Year's eve. Since then, I've continued casual dating. He feels like we could end up back together, or at least he says he wants to; however, I'm so far not seeing very much behavior from him suggesting things would be any different the next time around. For example, we're not even dating, and he recently got into conflict with me because I don't text him regularly. On the other hand, I have come out to my friends, and they have all been wonderfully supportive. A couple of co-workers from my last job know, but in general I don't talk about such personal details at work - even before coming out, I tended to be a pretty private person in that regard.

On the family front, in January, I had my first contact with my biological father, whom I had located just a few months prior after stumbling upon my uncle's obituary. We have continued to write each other, albeit sometimes sporadically, ever since. I have learned a great deal from him about my past, and who he is as a person and what his life has been like the last thirty years. I hope to be able to go to the DC area soon to visit him.

Needless to say, my mental health and stress levels have been on a roller coaster. I'm not on antidepressants, which has been somewhat helpful when I (1) can afford them, and (2) remember to take them - which have at times been problems for me. I am now working full time at a foster care agency, am still struggling financially, now looking for a new 2nd job. I'm waiting on my insurance cards to come in so that I can start catching up on medical appointments that I've gotten several years behind - dentist, eye doctor, etc - as well as refill my antidepressant meds, and go to a sleep doctor, as I have been diagnosed with insomnia. I recently learned that my cousin Tabitha, whose father's obituary was what led me to my father, was killed in a murder-suicide in November 2013. The day before my birthday, in fact. 2014 so far has started out with me still feeling the effects and aftermath of 2013. Here's really hoping that things gradually start getting better - and staying that way.