Rewind

I've been in a very contemplative mood the last few days, particularly this weekend. I spent the day watching "Life of Pi" (which is a phenomenal movie, and I've been meaning to write a blog entry on it at some point), and reading through my old entries on here. I've been blogging on this particular blog since 2010, with the vast majority of entries being in 2010. It's interesting to see how things shift and how my perspectives change during that time.

There is finally a light at the end of the tunnel to a good bit of the drama that has been going on this year, I believe. I'm apprehensive to say that just yet, as my pessimism kicks in and says "The year isn't over yet, a lot can still happen!", but at the very least I seem to be getting a mild break. In addition to the 20mg of Celexa, I'm now also on 150mg of Wellbutrin, as the Celexa alone quickly became essentially ineffective. It's mostly helping now, although financially I haven't been able to get the prescriptions refilled a time or two. While I still have my depressed days, they are at least a bit more tolerable and manageable.

My six year single streak is now over as well. The man I met via match.com, which I mentioned in a previous post I believe, where we went on the long walk on the beach and spent the whole evening together for our first date, we have really clicked and things have just grown from there. Funny how life doesn't quite go how you plan it to, but I'm at least happy with this particular development!

My roommate just sold her car for $6,000, and therefore the financial situation, I hope, is finally going to get stable again. Next month, when she gets her financial aid overage check for school, she is going to pay me back the money she owes me from all the crap that happened at the beginning of the year. My first order of business is to book a trip to Washington DC to meet my father. After that, finally catch up on my medical appointments - go to the dentist, get contacts again, maybe see an allergist and get a second opinion at an ENT regarding my hearing.

That's not to say there hasn't been some drama. I got written up at work, essentially for being behind on paperwork and not meeting the required number of hours per month. Office politics at their finest. I do take responsibility for my end though - my mood swings and emotions have been a particular roller coaster this year, which has affected my job performance. Burnout has contributed to this as well. The property management company which handles our monthly rent, totally screwed us over this month. First, the computer system (we have the option to pay online via a tenant portal) couldn't recognize the bank information, leading to the check being returned - twice. Finally, my roommate just wrote the check and took it to them in person. Two days later, the property manager (by the way, our previous property manager quit and nobody told us, I didn't find this out until I called to address the previously mentioned computer situation) calls and says we have until Friday to pay, with late fee. She called on Thursday. There were  repeated attempts to resolve this situation on my end, with her repeatedly saying that my roommate never brought a check, and then when my roommate tried to call her, she never answered the phone and then said that my roommate never tried to contact her (the proof is in my roommate's call log). I did manage to get them to give us until Monday, so that we could first void the check that they lost. It was pretty much the straw that broke the camel's back for me, which led to my decision to report them to the Better Business Bureau. Guess we'll see where that goes.

In skimming through my previous posts, I feel I'm starting to shift again. I tend to fluctuate a lot in my spiritual beliefs/practices. It's like an on/off switch. With all of this going on, I've been "off" for most of 2013, if not even before, back when I first found myself having to sleep on a couch. I feel myself swinging back to "on", and find myself in a stage of once again evaluating my spirituality, and generally having spiritual thoughts to begin with. I'm at that point where, I'm not going to make myself (or anyone else) any promises about how often I'll blog, what spiritual practices I will or won't do or how often. I'm going to try to be completely Zen about it, and just take it one day at a time, and not beat myself up if I don't quite follow through.

Crossroads

I know I haven't updated in awhile. Honestly, just not much has been going on - whether spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc. - that I've felt has been worth writing about.

Summer classes have started. It's going to be another difficult semester. But, if I can muster through it, I'll only have two more to go. I still haven't heard back from my upcoming internship's HR department to schedule the orientation. I'm giving them until early July to contact me, though(internship starts in August), because I know HR departments are notoriously disorganized and scattered (at least around here), and this is the biggest hospital, and the biggest non-tourism-related employer, in the region. So I'm thinking maybe they're kind of slow.

My place of employment continues to be in the news on a regular basis. There were two more escapes on June 5, although they caught them much quicker. That made headlines. Apparently last week, while I was on vacation, a 1st shift staff was assaulted, resulting in a broken nose and stitches. He filed a police report, and so that made headlines as well. Basically, at this point, ANYTHING that happens there ends up in the news, it seems. I've seriously begun debating trying to get my old job back at Home Depot. I feel like I'm not really making much of a difference there at this point (if I ever was to begin with). The most positive thing I've seen there in months is the fact that I've begun being asked more frequently by the recreational staff to come in early to assist on outings with the kids who have earned time outside of the facility (first it was to a local baseball game, and this Thursday I'm going with them to see Green Lantern). I fear being dragged down with this place the worse things get. DHEC (Department of Health and Environmental Control, the licensing body for group homes, nursing homes, hospitals, etc.) is investigating. Something is going to have to change. They are either going to change policies, or be shut down. If nothing else, they're going to have to do something to get the media off their backs, because everything that happens now ends up in the news. One of my good friends already quit, and another was basically fired for a pre-existing health condition that administrators knew about when they hired her (as soon as she was fired, she filed a complaint with EEOC). Although I'm working more this summer (since I don't have internship) to save up some money, once my internship starts I'm planning on cutting my hours back to two days a week, no matter how poor I get. My concern is whether or not other places of employment would work with my school schedule. I've applied to plenty of other jobs the last three and a half years, with no luck. The most recent definitely wouldn't have cooperated with my school schedule and commitments. That really is the place's only selling point for me staying there at this point - it truly is the ideal place for people who need flexible schedules. I just wonder where the line is, if it's really worth staying there at this point and risk getting pulled into more drama, if that's the only thing keeping me there.

This has gotten long, so consider this "Part 1" of a "catch-up" post. Next time I post (hopefully soon), I'll go more into the vacation I just had, as it was a very eventful week!

When it Rains

As I'm sitting here listening to the rain, mustering up the motivation to finish my final paper due tomorrow, the last day of class, I can't help but think of how true the old adage is: when it rains, it pours.

I didn't get the internship that I wanted. I am extremely frustrated and disappointed by this. I do have an internship interview next week with a local school district, but I'm just not sure about that either.

Work at the mental hospital on Wednesday was a disaster. A major disaster. FOUR patients escaped. FOUR. Three have been returned, but one - the most dangerous of the four - is still loose. It's made the news all over not just the local area, but the kids' home state (we take in patients from all over the country) as well. It's been in the local newspapers, their home state newspapers, and reported on at least 3 news stations that I know of. The Executive Director and another high-level administrator have been fired over it. And now I'm a target as well, apparently. Even though I wasn't even remotely involved in the situation, as on Wednesday I did not work on the unit that the escapes occurred from.

Why? Naturally, I posted some of the articles on Facebook. Now, I was careful, as always. I don't believe I did anything wrong. Due to my busy schedule(work, internship, *and* classes), Facebook is a primary method of keeping in touch with close friends and family. I have my privacy settings as such that only those on my friends list can see anything on my page. Furthermore, I have at least a couple of "lists", so that if I choose, I can block content from even groups of my friends. I do have a few current and former co-workers on my list, but it is mostly friends from undergrad, friends from home, family, or non-work related friends living in my local area. The articles didn't list any identifying information on any of the patients except the one who is still missing. I did add some of my own comments and a couple of complaints regarding the situation, but again, no information was disclosed that isn't already public knowledge now due to being in the newspapers.  In fact, one article I *didn't* post specifically *because* it listed the names and ages of all four escapees, rather than just the one who is still at large. In addition, I know of at least 3 other staff on my friends' list, including one who is a supervisor, who posted the very same articles on *their* pages.

Jump to this morning. I wake up to a text from the Day Shift supervisor, to call her ASAP. When I spoke with her, she told me that I was asked to come speak with the CEO and new admins who replaced the ones who got fired. I didn't think much of it, honestly. One other time a patient got away for a length of time, staff were all called in as a group to discuss the situation (interpreted: find someone to blame for his escape). In that particular instance, it was an all-staff meeting. So I thought this was another one of those - go, hear how this is all our fault, smile and nod, and go home. Imagine my surprise when it was a meeting to basically tell me to stop posting the articles on facebook, or lose my job. This infuriates me on several levels. For one, my content is friends only, so I have a rat on my friends list I need to find and delete. For another, I posted PUBLIC INFORMATION, and therefore did not violate HIPPA, privacy, or confidentiality laws, in spite of their accusations. Thirdly, other co-workers, including a current supervisor, have posted the exact same content with, so far, no similar repercussions that I know of (I know at least one co-worker would tell me, because we're really good friends and I've discussed this situation at length with her). I got a big speech about how it was "very bad judgment" and violation of confidentiality, and "if we get shut down, you'll be unemployed too". In shock over the absurdity of the whole thing, I smiled and nodded, gave my perspective when asked, and went home with the understanding that if it continued to happen, I would be fired.

Then, I called a damn lawyer. Turned out I still had a lawyer's information, which had been given to me by another co-worker, who was suing the facility, said that firm seemed interested in my workers' comp case from 2009. They then referred me to one of their former attorneys who recently started her own practice specializing in wrongful termination cases, and I called her. She basically said that I would have to see if our most recent employee handbook had anything in it concerning social media (I doubt it does, they're not that forward-thinking). She said I might would have some difficulty with the fact that I posted some comments on the articles, but with the posting of the articles themselves, I could have a case, if terminated, providing there's nothing in the current policy regarding such situations. And, basically, that it might would be easier to just take the articles off. Which I refuse to do. Yes, I'm not going to post any more, for sure. But I'm not deleting what's already there. To me it's pointless and reeks of cowardice. The place has so many ethical and mistreatment issues that led up to the escapes, that I feel like as much needs to be reported and kept a record of as possible, because if I do lose my job, even if I can't win a wrongful termination lawsuit, I *will* be a whistleblower.

To give the whole thing a final kick, I come home to a message on my facebook from one of my direct supervisors, which stated "You're a very hot item right now, you may want to lay low." This confirmed to me that I am being specifically targeted over this, in comparison with the several other staff who have posted the same information, the same comments, the same everything. It's sickening. And I can't wait to get the hell out of there.