As I stated in my previous post, over time I've become a bit agnostic on the whole concept of witchcraft, spellwork, etc.
In theory, it does make sense to me in a way. The explanation is that life is made of energy. According to science, energy cannot be created or destroyed, only changed from one form to another. Most people who do believe in witchcraft, believe that they are working with these energies when they cast a spell. It is for similar reasons that I believe in the concept of the soul, as well as reincarnation.
I do like to believe that there are things that can't be explained by traditional science. I've always had an interest in the supernatural and paranormal. I'm the direct descendant of my home town's local fortune teller. I've had experiences that I can't explain, known things I shouldn't know. I still have my candles, tarot cards, oracle cards, pendulums, and other things typically associated with witchcraft. I'm still in the process of (slowly) reading through several of my witchcraft/pagan related books, which I still plan to discuss in a book review on this blog when I finally finish a book.
But sometimes I'm too intellectual as well. I'm skeptical in the same way that I'm skeptical of "the power of prayer" that mainstream evangelical Christians speak of. Just like with prayer, in my more active Pagan days, when I first began experimenting spiritually, I've had spells that "worked", as well as some that "didn't work". Of course it could have all been in my head; the same could be said for when "God answers prayer", I suppose. Perhaps it's less God (or a spell) working, and more the act of "praying" or "making a spell" that makes things work, because it opens up your mind psychologically to whatever it needs to be opened to in order to solve the problem.
I find myself wondering, again, whether my beliefs are shifting as part of a natural progression of change, or whether it's another symptom of the overall events that have gone on in my life the last couple of years. In the last couple of years, I've located my father, become homeless, moved into a home, contacted my father, started jobs, quit jobs, had my finances run amok, among other things. Throughout all of that, my motivation for most things I enjoyed, not just spiritual growth, waned, as my depression worsened. Now, for the moment at least, I've been gradually coming out of my funk. Maybe the first step is to just ease myself back into spirituality, before trying to reassess my actual beliefs on certain aspects of it.
Showing posts with label spells. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spells. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Monday, May 16, 2011
Built on Sand
There's a parable in the Christian Scriptures. In this parable, a man builds a house on sand. Floods come, and the house, being on a weak foundation, is annihilated. Another man builds a house on solid ground, and when the floods come, his home remains intact.
The point that I, personally, get out of the parable is this: if your faith (whatever "faith" means to you, and whatever/whomever you have faith in) is weak, then it will waiver and stagnate at every obstacle or whim of your emotions. But if it is strong, then you will be secure in your faith, and be able to use that faith to strengthen you in the difficult times.
Sometimes I feel like my "house" - my "faith" - is built on nothing but sand. Not even normal sand, but quicksand, that sucks everything in its path into a bottomless pit. My faith in Deity, my faith in my Druidic practice, and most of all, my faith in myself, seems to wax and wane on every whim of good or bad fortune, every mood swing I may have in a day.
Take recent events for example. Stuck in a dead end job. Inability to obtain a 2nd internship, in spite of interviews, prayers, and aggressive spellwork. Total lack of confidence in myself and cynicism towards my life in general. Faith, mostly in myself, is broken.
On Tuesday, I went on a two-day long mini-vacation to another beach about two hours away, with a good friend of mine. Most of the day, we spent at a nearby garden and art sculpture attraction, which housed some of the most beautiful gardens and art sculptures I've seen in recent times. It had a small zoo, a butterfly garden, a boat tour (where we saw three alligators and a couple of turtles), and a nice little labyrinth for meditation. It was a beautiful day. The day had its standard little oddities that tend to happen to me - a bird in an aviary crapping on my new shirt I was wearing, somehow getting an earthworm stuck in my sandal and getting the poor thing's guts all over my sandal (of course, my "good" sandals), I think I actually walked into a tree at one point. I began a small meditative walk in the labyrinth. I focused my thoughts, did a bit of a mental chant to banish negative energies, and I started to feel more optimistic and better about things. Faith slowly being restored.
Then, in the middle of my labyrinth walk, I get a phone call from my University's field placement office, to basically tell me to hurry up and get an internship placement because they're running out of agencies with openings. I remind them of the fact that I had recently had two interviews, neither of which had contacted me when they said they would with a final decision of whether or not they were going to invite me to join them as an intern. After I get off the phone with the school, any positive effects from the labyrinth walk now rendered useless, I call the agency I most recently interviewed with, and most wanted to intern with, a program run by the psychiatric unit of a local very high-profile hospital. I left a message inquiring as to a decision, but without much hope. The rest of the day goes well overall, but frustration and anxiety keep me from fully enjoying myself. Faith is once again shattered.
On Wednesday, we had a low-activity day. Slept in, then spent the afternoon on the beach. That evening, we went to a local dinner theater.
In the afternoon, while out on the beach, I checked the time on the phone, and noticed I had two voicemails awaiting me. The first was from a local parasailing company, to reschedule our parasailing appointment for the next day. The second was from the hospital I was attempting to intern with, apologizing for the delay in getting back with me and offering me the internship position. Obviously, I immediately returned the phone call and, after a few minutes of "phone tag", accepted the internship. I felt all (or at least, most) of the stress leave me, a weight lifted off my shoulders. I remembered the spell I performed to try to obtain the internship, and the fact that part of the frustration was the fact that I included as part of the spell a stipulation that the internship come to me by the end of April (to provide enough time to to notify the school and get all the preliminary agency requirements and paperwork done before time to actually start the internship). Upon recognition that I actually made the initial phone call that led to the interview on April 28th, after being given the contact info by a classmate who had also recently gotten an internship at the same hospital, I begin to think that perhaps, spellwork really does always work, even if not in the way or timeframe we expect. After all, I was thinking to already secure the internship by the end of April, but one could say the spell still worked in a way, in that even though the internship itself wasn't secured in that timeframe, the process to obtain it began within the specified timeframe. Faith once again restored.
Thursday, the final day of the mini-vacation, was great. I went parasailing for the first time, and more than likely will not be the last time. This guy took us on a raft, connected to a jet ski, to the actual boat, where we did the parasailing. There were six of us, and it was quite amusing that, while I was the smallest guy on the raft, I was also the only one who did not fall off at some point. In addition, I checked my grades online while checking my summer classes to ensure I ordered the right textbooks. My GPA is now a 3.2, up from a 2.9 at this time last year, effectively ending my academic probation (if I was indeed still on it).
Finally, recently I've been talking to a local girl, an RN who is currently volunteering in Africa, and I believe there may be the possibility of at least a meet-up. Now, since the last ex and I split up in 2007, I have had a bit of a string of "one hit wonders" so to speak.... I average about 1 date every 3-6 months, and none of them have yet led to a second date..... so I'm not quite counting the eggs before they hatch. I'm just on a bit of a feel-good "high" that I haven't felt in a long time, because it's been so long since I've really had a significant level of good happen in my life...... and I really do feel good for once. But I also am a bit saddened, wishing I could just enjoy it all without the nagging feeling of "Okay, so when will the other shoe drop?" and wishing that my faith in myself had been stronger during all the uncertainties.
The point that I, personally, get out of the parable is this: if your faith (whatever "faith" means to you, and whatever/whomever you have faith in) is weak, then it will waiver and stagnate at every obstacle or whim of your emotions. But if it is strong, then you will be secure in your faith, and be able to use that faith to strengthen you in the difficult times.
Sometimes I feel like my "house" - my "faith" - is built on nothing but sand. Not even normal sand, but quicksand, that sucks everything in its path into a bottomless pit. My faith in Deity, my faith in my Druidic practice, and most of all, my faith in myself, seems to wax and wane on every whim of good or bad fortune, every mood swing I may have in a day.
Take recent events for example. Stuck in a dead end job. Inability to obtain a 2nd internship, in spite of interviews, prayers, and aggressive spellwork. Total lack of confidence in myself and cynicism towards my life in general. Faith, mostly in myself, is broken.
Then, in the middle of my labyrinth walk, I get a phone call from my University's field placement office, to basically tell me to hurry up and get an internship placement because they're running out of agencies with openings. I remind them of the fact that I had recently had two interviews, neither of which had contacted me when they said they would with a final decision of whether or not they were going to invite me to join them as an intern. After I get off the phone with the school, any positive effects from the labyrinth walk now rendered useless, I call the agency I most recently interviewed with, and most wanted to intern with, a program run by the psychiatric unit of a local very high-profile hospital. I left a message inquiring as to a decision, but without much hope. The rest of the day goes well overall, but frustration and anxiety keep me from fully enjoying myself. Faith is once again shattered.
On Wednesday, we had a low-activity day. Slept in, then spent the afternoon on the beach. That evening, we went to a local dinner theater.
In the afternoon, while out on the beach, I checked the time on the phone, and noticed I had two voicemails awaiting me. The first was from a local parasailing company, to reschedule our parasailing appointment for the next day. The second was from the hospital I was attempting to intern with, apologizing for the delay in getting back with me and offering me the internship position. Obviously, I immediately returned the phone call and, after a few minutes of "phone tag", accepted the internship. I felt all (or at least, most) of the stress leave me, a weight lifted off my shoulders. I remembered the spell I performed to try to obtain the internship, and the fact that part of the frustration was the fact that I included as part of the spell a stipulation that the internship come to me by the end of April (to provide enough time to to notify the school and get all the preliminary agency requirements and paperwork done before time to actually start the internship). Upon recognition that I actually made the initial phone call that led to the interview on April 28th, after being given the contact info by a classmate who had also recently gotten an internship at the same hospital, I begin to think that perhaps, spellwork really does always work, even if not in the way or timeframe we expect. After all, I was thinking to already secure the internship by the end of April, but one could say the spell still worked in a way, in that even though the internship itself wasn't secured in that timeframe, the process to obtain it began within the specified timeframe. Faith once again restored.
Thursday, the final day of the mini-vacation, was great. I went parasailing for the first time, and more than likely will not be the last time. This guy took us on a raft, connected to a jet ski, to the actual boat, where we did the parasailing. There were six of us, and it was quite amusing that, while I was the smallest guy on the raft, I was also the only one who did not fall off at some point. In addition, I checked my grades online while checking my summer classes to ensure I ordered the right textbooks. My GPA is now a 3.2, up from a 2.9 at this time last year, effectively ending my academic probation (if I was indeed still on it).
Finally, recently I've been talking to a local girl, an RN who is currently volunteering in Africa, and I believe there may be the possibility of at least a meet-up. Now, since the last ex and I split up in 2007, I have had a bit of a string of "one hit wonders" so to speak.... I average about 1 date every 3-6 months, and none of them have yet led to a second date..... so I'm not quite counting the eggs before they hatch. I'm just on a bit of a feel-good "high" that I haven't felt in a long time, because it's been so long since I've really had a significant level of good happen in my life...... and I really do feel good for once. But I also am a bit saddened, wishing I could just enjoy it all without the nagging feeling of "Okay, so when will the other shoe drop?" and wishing that my faith in myself had been stronger during all the uncertainties.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Falling into Place
There are those rare moments in life where, even if you're in a transitional period of life, things just seem to fall into place, and life seems to have a theme of sorts.
The full moon Saturday was amazing. I went to the beach and, although it was cold, the view was beautiful. I love the beach at night. The way the moon sparkled over the water. The sand cold beneath my toes. I barely even needed my keychain flashlight. It filled me with energy. Later that night, I performed a spell to aid my efforts in obtaining an internship for the next school year - I've been having some difficulties narrowing down my options, and further in getting in touch with the organizations in order to set up interviews (my school's procedures for getting an internship are basically the same as for getting a job - call the place, set up an interview, they say "yes" or "no). I don't do spellwork very often; I've noticed that when I try to force it, the words just won't come to me, kind of a spiritual writer's block, so to speak. But when the timing is right, I have no trouble coming up with the right words, materials to use, etc. It's like the Universe's way of telling me that the time, the energies, are just right. And, typically, the full moon is, after all, thought to be a very powerful time for those on the mystical spiritual paths.
Sunday was Ostara. The Spring Equinox. It seemed fitting that I was the churchmember scheduled to provide the Scripture reading for the day - my church, a member of the United Church of Christ denomination, places heavy emphasis on lay involvement, and not simply following the minister. The scripture for today likewise included one of my favorite Psalms - Psalms 121:
This, to me, is not saying we don't have bad things that happen to us. God knows I've been through a fair amount of hell in my 28 years of living. But Pleroma will not leave me. The Divine Spark that is within me, that is within every living creature, every rock, every drop of water, is still there. Bad things happen to good people (and innocent animals, and so forth), and when that happens, I remember that I'm part of Something bigger than myself, and that I will come out of the situation a stronger person having survived it.
For Lent, the Celtic Spirituality group at church, of which I am a part, is holding a meditation service on Sundays before Conversations in Faith. The meditation service is a short time of responsive readings, singing, Irish meditation music (a woman playing a harp), with the leader reading a passage on a chosen topic. The theme for today was "New Beginnings". It brought to mind not only the new beginnings symbolized by the holiday - the first day of Spring - but also the preparations I am making for a new school year that is to come soon. The theme for today's Conversations in Faith discussion was compassion, and how can we have compassion for others, as well as ourselves? The teaching in church was, likewise, on love. Love your neighbor as yourself. Who is your neighbor? Everyone. Everything.
After church I went to a local park and read a chapter out of the book we are reading in the Celtic Spirituality group, before going and buying an amazing (so far) new digital camera. Tonight, to finish off the day's activities, I held a solitary Ostara/Spring Equinox ritual that I found from a Pagan About.com newsletter I subscribe to. It was very calming, and focused on the balance between light and dark, winter and summer, old and new. Ostara is a time of balance, so such things should be the focus on this holiday. I thought of all the things I want to do, but don't seem to know how or where to start. I want to recycle, but the county I live in has virtually no recycling program - if we want to recycle, we have to take it to the recycling plant ourselves, there is no curbside pickup like with trash. I want to eat healthier and buy more local, but the only places I am aware of are our local grocery stores, which, while they do have good local/organic options, I just don't know recipes or how to actually go about cooking the food, nor do I have time to learn very much right now, between work, class, and internship, all three consisting of separate schedules. I want to experiment with an indoor/windowsill garden, similar to what many people who live in more urban areas do, but I'm lucky if I remember to adequately and consistently remember to water the one houseplant that I do have. I know I have the potential, and am getting better at the self-discipline. I just also know I have a tendency to take too much on, and end up not doing any of it as well as I could have. So I think these things are goals I'm going to try to keep in mind for "after graduation", to bring greater focus on these spiritual growth practices, once I have achieved my academic goals. Things seemed to be falling into place intellectually/emotionally this weekend; maybe someday things will fall into place for me to put it all into practice.
The full moon Saturday was amazing. I went to the beach and, although it was cold, the view was beautiful. I love the beach at night. The way the moon sparkled over the water. The sand cold beneath my toes. I barely even needed my keychain flashlight. It filled me with energy. Later that night, I performed a spell to aid my efforts in obtaining an internship for the next school year - I've been having some difficulties narrowing down my options, and further in getting in touch with the organizations in order to set up interviews (my school's procedures for getting an internship are basically the same as for getting a job - call the place, set up an interview, they say "yes" or "no). I don't do spellwork very often; I've noticed that when I try to force it, the words just won't come to me, kind of a spiritual writer's block, so to speak. But when the timing is right, I have no trouble coming up with the right words, materials to use, etc. It's like the Universe's way of telling me that the time, the energies, are just right. And, typically, the full moon is, after all, thought to be a very powerful time for those on the mystical spiritual paths.
Sunday was Ostara. The Spring Equinox. It seemed fitting that I was the churchmember scheduled to provide the Scripture reading for the day - my church, a member of the United Church of Christ denomination, places heavy emphasis on lay involvement, and not simply following the minister. The scripture for today likewise included one of my favorite Psalms - Psalms 121:
1I lift up my eyes to the hills— from where will my help come?
2My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
3He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.
4He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade at your right hand.
6The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.
7The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.
8The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time on and forevermore.
This, to me, is not saying we don't have bad things that happen to us. God knows I've been through a fair amount of hell in my 28 years of living. But Pleroma will not leave me. The Divine Spark that is within me, that is within every living creature, every rock, every drop of water, is still there. Bad things happen to good people (and innocent animals, and so forth), and when that happens, I remember that I'm part of Something bigger than myself, and that I will come out of the situation a stronger person having survived it.
For Lent, the Celtic Spirituality group at church, of which I am a part, is holding a meditation service on Sundays before Conversations in Faith. The meditation service is a short time of responsive readings, singing, Irish meditation music (a woman playing a harp), with the leader reading a passage on a chosen topic. The theme for today was "New Beginnings". It brought to mind not only the new beginnings symbolized by the holiday - the first day of Spring - but also the preparations I am making for a new school year that is to come soon. The theme for today's Conversations in Faith discussion was compassion, and how can we have compassion for others, as well as ourselves? The teaching in church was, likewise, on love. Love your neighbor as yourself. Who is your neighbor? Everyone. Everything.
After church I went to a local park and read a chapter out of the book we are reading in the Celtic Spirituality group, before going and buying an amazing (so far) new digital camera. Tonight, to finish off the day's activities, I held a solitary Ostara/Spring Equinox ritual that I found from a Pagan About.com newsletter I subscribe to. It was very calming, and focused on the balance between light and dark, winter and summer, old and new. Ostara is a time of balance, so such things should be the focus on this holiday. I thought of all the things I want to do, but don't seem to know how or where to start. I want to recycle, but the county I live in has virtually no recycling program - if we want to recycle, we have to take it to the recycling plant ourselves, there is no curbside pickup like with trash. I want to eat healthier and buy more local, but the only places I am aware of are our local grocery stores, which, while they do have good local/organic options, I just don't know recipes or how to actually go about cooking the food, nor do I have time to learn very much right now, between work, class, and internship, all three consisting of separate schedules. I want to experiment with an indoor/windowsill garden, similar to what many people who live in more urban areas do, but I'm lucky if I remember to adequately and consistently remember to water the one houseplant that I do have. I know I have the potential, and am getting better at the self-discipline. I just also know I have a tendency to take too much on, and end up not doing any of it as well as I could have. So I think these things are goals I'm going to try to keep in mind for "after graduation", to bring greater focus on these spiritual growth practices, once I have achieved my academic goals. Things seemed to be falling into place intellectually/emotionally this weekend; maybe someday things will fall into place for me to put it all into practice.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Enter Manannan: Walking Between Worlds
Whenever I first became Pagan, I went full-out from monotheist to polytheist. I honored Brigid, Fortuna, and gave an "honorable mention" to Manannan Mac Lir , Celtic god of the seas and storms. At that time, I did not give him much notice, I simply included him because of my affinity for beaches and all things aquatic. Around that time, I was living closer to mountains (and later, the urban/suburban Chicago areas), none of which were very close to a true beach/coastal area, so perhaps that also made it difficult for me to relate to that particular deity.
Whenever I discovered Gnosticism and felt the pull towards becoming a Gnostic, my energies became more focused in that direction, with its basically Judeo-Christian worldview and language. I began once again attending Christian churches, and said goodbye to any deities I followed, and hello to their Christianized counterparts as Saints or Angels, as well as a couple of Gnostic entities I follow - Sophia, Aeon of Wisdom, Abraxas, Aeon of balance, and Pleroma (in a nutshell, this is basically kind of the Gnostic terminology for "God"). I came to the conclusion that Druidry was my expression of nature spirituality, and Gnosticism my expression of Deity. And then, a few things happened.
One nudge came about, strangely enough, in Religious Education, basically the United Church of Christ's version of Sunday School. At the time, we were doing a series of discussions concerning varying viewpoints of who Jesus is. At one point during the discussion, one woman mentioned that earlier in life, she rarely gave Jesus much thought. Then, she went on to describe that she was a Reiki practitioner - an alternative/New Age health practice in which the practitioner balances the energies/chakras of a client by calling on varying spirits for aid. She went on to describe her surprise that Jesus was one of the spirits who came to assist during one of her sessions. Now, I'm undecided as to the validity of Reiki, personally, as I have never had any involvement in it, but I digress. My point is, that she presented with a very unorthodox view of Jesus, and it piqued my interest.
The next nudge came about, once again, through my church. This time through the Celtic spirituality group I am attempting to participate in, when schedule allows. One member, upon being asked about the well-being of another member who was not at the meeting, noted how said member had held a bonfire on Imbolc. This, once again, caught my attention. Up until that point, I had felt that I was probably the most "unorthodox" person in the church, which although very liberal, was still, after all, a Christian church. A mainstream Christian, celebrating Imbolc? It also surprised me to hear another member, basically the head of the Celtic spirituality group and very active in the church, comment "I don't consider myself Christian. I just like That Jesus Guy and think he had a lot of good things to say!"
The third, and most recent, nudge came about through the OBOD forums I frequent on occasion (see Links section). Whenever I went on the trip to Asheville and Cherokee back in December, I bought a handmade medicine bag, which currently contains in it the various gems and rocks that came with it. Recently, I finally got around to posting a topic on the forums asking for advice on items to put in it to wear or keep with me. A responding post stated that it sounded similar to Manannan Mac Lir's Crane Bag(kind of a Druid equivalent of a medicine bag) and redirected me to The Temple of Manannan Mac Lir (also added to Links section), a website dedicated to Manannan. Suddenly, I felt a call, as if he were showing up and yelling "Hi! Remember me?" Through readings from that website, and the wikipedia article previously linked to, I realize that there's more to him than just water associations. He is associated with oceans and the weather. He is also a "psychopomp", or one who guides souls to the afterlife. Additionally, he is a trickster god and known for his sense of humor. He is likewise affiliated with wisdom(I seem to keep getting drawn to Wisdom deities/spirits, without even knowing that's what they're associated with), as well as magical knowledge. His associations include the hawthorn plant, the crane, and horses(interestingly, in addition to being an aquatic-based person, I used to be extremely into horses - had over 100 figurines and statues at one point as a kid).
I'm beginning to realize that a lot of the struggle I've had these last few months with reconciling my Gnostic experiences with my previous Pagan experiences, and balancing out the somewhat Christian-oriented Gnostic viewpoint with the more nature-centric Druidic viewpoint, have been about labels. I'm still trying to, in a sense, fit a label. "If I'm going to be Pagan, I have to do this, this and this, and believe this, or that." "If I'm going to be Gnostic, I have to believe this, and do that." But I'm coming to realize that I have to let that go, and just be who I am. And what I am is an eclectic syncretization of the two. Gnostic and Pagan, not Gnostic or Pagan. I'm realizing that I'm what is known in Pagan circles as a "soft polytheist" - the belief in the existence of the many deities in the various world cultures, but believing that they are facets of expressions of the same Supreme Unknowable Being (what I as a Gnostic refer to as "Pleroma") , like different sides of a diamond. I believe that Christ is one incarnation of Pleroma. I have not gotten any sense from Pleroma that it is "wrong" for me to honor the Saints I honor(St. Patrick and St. Brigid[although I may now once again begin referring to her by her goddess associations rather than Saint, as I feel like I related more to that]), the Angels I honor(Gabriel), or the Aeons(similar to deities, I believe) I honor (Sophia and Abraxas), so why not Manannan as well, if I feel called to add him to my personal pantheon? I think I will speak with him a while, and see what comes of it.
Whenever I discovered Gnosticism and felt the pull towards becoming a Gnostic, my energies became more focused in that direction, with its basically Judeo-Christian worldview and language. I began once again attending Christian churches, and said goodbye to any deities I followed, and hello to their Christianized counterparts as Saints or Angels, as well as a couple of Gnostic entities I follow - Sophia, Aeon of Wisdom, Abraxas, Aeon of balance, and Pleroma (in a nutshell, this is basically kind of the Gnostic terminology for "God"). I came to the conclusion that Druidry was my expression of nature spirituality, and Gnosticism my expression of Deity. And then, a few things happened.
One nudge came about, strangely enough, in Religious Education, basically the United Church of Christ's version of Sunday School. At the time, we were doing a series of discussions concerning varying viewpoints of who Jesus is. At one point during the discussion, one woman mentioned that earlier in life, she rarely gave Jesus much thought. Then, she went on to describe that she was a Reiki practitioner - an alternative/New Age health practice in which the practitioner balances the energies/chakras of a client by calling on varying spirits for aid. She went on to describe her surprise that Jesus was one of the spirits who came to assist during one of her sessions. Now, I'm undecided as to the validity of Reiki, personally, as I have never had any involvement in it, but I digress. My point is, that she presented with a very unorthodox view of Jesus, and it piqued my interest.
The next nudge came about, once again, through my church. This time through the Celtic spirituality group I am attempting to participate in, when schedule allows. One member, upon being asked about the well-being of another member who was not at the meeting, noted how said member had held a bonfire on Imbolc. This, once again, caught my attention. Up until that point, I had felt that I was probably the most "unorthodox" person in the church, which although very liberal, was still, after all, a Christian church. A mainstream Christian, celebrating Imbolc? It also surprised me to hear another member, basically the head of the Celtic spirituality group and very active in the church, comment "I don't consider myself Christian. I just like That Jesus Guy and think he had a lot of good things to say!"
The third, and most recent, nudge came about through the OBOD forums I frequent on occasion (see Links section). Whenever I went on the trip to Asheville and Cherokee back in December, I bought a handmade medicine bag, which currently contains in it the various gems and rocks that came with it. Recently, I finally got around to posting a topic on the forums asking for advice on items to put in it to wear or keep with me. A responding post stated that it sounded similar to Manannan Mac Lir's Crane Bag(kind of a Druid equivalent of a medicine bag) and redirected me to The Temple of Manannan Mac Lir (also added to Links section), a website dedicated to Manannan. Suddenly, I felt a call, as if he were showing up and yelling "Hi! Remember me?" Through readings from that website, and the wikipedia article previously linked to, I realize that there's more to him than just water associations. He is associated with oceans and the weather. He is also a "psychopomp", or one who guides souls to the afterlife. Additionally, he is a trickster god and known for his sense of humor. He is likewise affiliated with wisdom(I seem to keep getting drawn to Wisdom deities/spirits, without even knowing that's what they're associated with), as well as magical knowledge. His associations include the hawthorn plant, the crane, and horses(interestingly, in addition to being an aquatic-based person, I used to be extremely into horses - had over 100 figurines and statues at one point as a kid).
I'm beginning to realize that a lot of the struggle I've had these last few months with reconciling my Gnostic experiences with my previous Pagan experiences, and balancing out the somewhat Christian-oriented Gnostic viewpoint with the more nature-centric Druidic viewpoint, have been about labels. I'm still trying to, in a sense, fit a label. "If I'm going to be Pagan, I have to do this, this and this, and believe this, or that." "If I'm going to be Gnostic, I have to believe this, and do that." But I'm coming to realize that I have to let that go, and just be who I am. And what I am is an eclectic syncretization of the two. Gnostic and Pagan, not Gnostic or Pagan. I'm realizing that I'm what is known in Pagan circles as a "soft polytheist" - the belief in the existence of the many deities in the various world cultures, but believing that they are facets of expressions of the same Supreme Unknowable Being (what I as a Gnostic refer to as "Pleroma") , like different sides of a diamond. I believe that Christ is one incarnation of Pleroma. I have not gotten any sense from Pleroma that it is "wrong" for me to honor the Saints I honor(St. Patrick and St. Brigid[although I may now once again begin referring to her by her goddess associations rather than Saint, as I feel like I related more to that]), the Angels I honor(Gabriel), or the Aeons(similar to deities, I believe) I honor (Sophia and Abraxas), so why not Manannan as well, if I feel called to add him to my personal pantheon? I think I will speak with him a while, and see what comes of it.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Celebrations
December is a time for holidays. It seems like every religion celebrates some kind of coming of light in the dark of winter, in or around this time of year. The liturgical/religious calendars I follow have two sets of holidays:
- the Gnostic calendar, as laid out in the book Living Gnosticism, includes Christmas. As a further Christian extension of this, I also celebrate Advent, which began this year on November 28th. There are Advent meditations for each Sunday listed in The Gnosis Archive, as well as a daily Advent devotional I printed out from The Unitarian Universalist Christian Fellowship,
- The Pagan/Druidic Calendar lists December 21 as Yule, or the Pagan equivalent of Christmas. It is the official first day of winter, and anticipates the return of spring and warmth.
In addition, on occasion I may feel drawn to a holiday of another religion that I may want to experiment with. It is in this vein that I celebrate my inner eclectic/Unitarian Universalist, and experiment with such holidays for approximately 3 years. My logic is that if I feel drawn to it to the point of feeling compelled to experiment with it, then 3 years will give me enough time to celebrate it, research the meaning behind it and various customs for it, and decide if I can relate to it enough to continue on and make it part of my "official" religious calendar. This year, I have two:
- Chalica = a recently invented (as in, around 2005ish) Unitarian-Universalist specific holiday. Modeled after Hannukah and Kwanzaa, it is a seven day long celebration. On each day the celebrant lights a candle honoring each of the 7 Principles of Unitarian-Universalism. It begins on the first Monday of December. For example, Monday will honor the first Principle (the inherent worth and dignity of every person), Tuesday the 2nd Principle, etc. This is my 2nd year experimenting with Chalica. So far, I feel that I relate to it quite well. Many of its' practices so far include giving some kind of gift to someone that represents that day's principle, and I don't really have anyone to give gifts to, and right now I also have inadequate time to be more creative in other external expressions of the holiday. So, I light the candle for the day, and try to keep that Principle in mind when I go about the day's activities. Today was particularly difficult, as my caseload at the internship was shifted around so much I don't really know who my caseload is at this point, and on top of that, they did all this the day before my technical last day with them until January. The positive thing about this holiday is that in typical UU fashion, there is no official way to celebrate it, or even any requirement to celebrate it. It is growing in popularity among UUs and the closest to an 'official' holiday they've ever had. Many UUs are celebrating it along with whatever other religion-specific holidays they may practice. As such, if I feel compelled to celebrate it in some way, how I do so is completely up to me. In any case, so far it looks as though this will become an official holiday for me.
- Hannukah - a couple of years ago, while in a Christian bookstore Christmas shopping for family, I came across a menorah. I felt drawn to it, as I'm interested in Jewish culture and at the time I was briefly looking more into Kabbalah (which I will look into again once I get to that section of my reading list and have more time), so I bought it. This is also my 2nd year experimenting with this one. On a small level, I feel I can relate to the overall message of the holiday - celebrating light in the darkness; miracles when you feel you're at the end of your resources and have done all you can; overcoming oppression. However, ways to celebrate it are so cultural specific, and I'm not a Jew (and the last Jew I dated was a cultural, rather than practicing, Jew), so I feel that I may not be able to relate to it in a way that I feel I would need to in order to keep it in my list of practices. So, I will continue the rest of this year, and next year, to complete my "3 year rule", but if I don't feel any different after that, I will acknowledge and appreciate it for the beautiful holiday that it is, and say goodbye to it.
To finish, here is a picture of my new seasonal altar. In the center is my Advent wreath. To the right, of course, is the menorah. And to the left, a chalice candleholder with a tealight candle inside, for Chalica. Under it is a meditation board, tarot deck, and oracle card deck.
- the Gnostic calendar, as laid out in the book Living Gnosticism, includes Christmas. As a further Christian extension of this, I also celebrate Advent, which began this year on November 28th. There are Advent meditations for each Sunday listed in The Gnosis Archive, as well as a daily Advent devotional I printed out from The Unitarian Universalist Christian Fellowship,
- The Pagan/Druidic Calendar lists December 21 as Yule, or the Pagan equivalent of Christmas. It is the official first day of winter, and anticipates the return of spring and warmth.
In addition, on occasion I may feel drawn to a holiday of another religion that I may want to experiment with. It is in this vein that I celebrate my inner eclectic/Unitarian Universalist, and experiment with such holidays for approximately 3 years. My logic is that if I feel drawn to it to the point of feeling compelled to experiment with it, then 3 years will give me enough time to celebrate it, research the meaning behind it and various customs for it, and decide if I can relate to it enough to continue on and make it part of my "official" religious calendar. This year, I have two:
- Chalica = a recently invented (as in, around 2005ish) Unitarian-Universalist specific holiday. Modeled after Hannukah and Kwanzaa, it is a seven day long celebration. On each day the celebrant lights a candle honoring each of the 7 Principles of Unitarian-Universalism. It begins on the first Monday of December. For example, Monday will honor the first Principle (the inherent worth and dignity of every person), Tuesday the 2nd Principle, etc. This is my 2nd year experimenting with Chalica. So far, I feel that I relate to it quite well. Many of its' practices so far include giving some kind of gift to someone that represents that day's principle, and I don't really have anyone to give gifts to, and right now I also have inadequate time to be more creative in other external expressions of the holiday. So, I light the candle for the day, and try to keep that Principle in mind when I go about the day's activities. Today was particularly difficult, as my caseload at the internship was shifted around so much I don't really know who my caseload is at this point, and on top of that, they did all this the day before my technical last day with them until January. The positive thing about this holiday is that in typical UU fashion, there is no official way to celebrate it, or even any requirement to celebrate it. It is growing in popularity among UUs and the closest to an 'official' holiday they've ever had. Many UUs are celebrating it along with whatever other religion-specific holidays they may practice. As such, if I feel compelled to celebrate it in some way, how I do so is completely up to me. In any case, so far it looks as though this will become an official holiday for me.
- Hannukah - a couple of years ago, while in a Christian bookstore Christmas shopping for family, I came across a menorah. I felt drawn to it, as I'm interested in Jewish culture and at the time I was briefly looking more into Kabbalah (which I will look into again once I get to that section of my reading list and have more time), so I bought it. This is also my 2nd year experimenting with this one. On a small level, I feel I can relate to the overall message of the holiday - celebrating light in the darkness; miracles when you feel you're at the end of your resources and have done all you can; overcoming oppression. However, ways to celebrate it are so cultural specific, and I'm not a Jew (and the last Jew I dated was a cultural, rather than practicing, Jew), so I feel that I may not be able to relate to it in a way that I feel I would need to in order to keep it in my list of practices. So, I will continue the rest of this year, and next year, to complete my "3 year rule", but if I don't feel any different after that, I will acknowledge and appreciate it for the beautiful holiday that it is, and say goodbye to it.
To finish, here is a picture of my new seasonal altar. In the center is my Advent wreath. To the right, of course, is the menorah. And to the left, a chalice candleholder with a tealight candle inside, for Chalica. Under it is a meditation board, tarot deck, and oracle card deck.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Druidry and Wicca: Syncretized
This Witchvox article discusses the growing practice of blending the religion of Wicca with the spirituality of Druidry. Early on in my path, I did this myself. As anyone who has read this blog knows, I no longer consider myself Wiccan, but have returned to Christianity, most heavily influenced by Gnosticism. Although my actual spiritual practice has diminished lately - something I'm trying to work on - I do still consider myself a Druid. And, like Druidic Wiccans, my Druidry does have elements of Witchcraft still in it.
To me, Druidry seems more solar, more masculine. It has a wealth of rites and rituals. The Ancient Order of Druids of America, the organization I plan on joining once I finish grad school and therefore have time to focus more on such things, has grades/levels and corresponding curriculum for enhancing your spiritual practice. Each Degree has required readings or practices to choose from, ranging from divination to herbalism, learning about local nature, etc. There is a large focus on interacting with nature and growing in knowledge and philosophy.
Wicca, and subsequently Witchcraft, however, seems more lunar/feminine to me. The focus is more on the energies that surround us, lunar practices, and spellwork. Druidcraft, as mentioned in the article, is the blending of the two. In my case, I do practice spellwork on occasion - although it has been awhile, as I've been too busy and haven't felt the need. What I have done has seemed to work pretty well, and what hasn't, I attribute more to my own lack of focus or mindset. I suppose spellwork is just like any spiritual practice - like the theme of the movie Skeleton Key, if you believe in it, it works, if not, it won't. Sometimes I feel like I may need one to help out in a situation, but the words/methods won't properly formulate in my mind, a kind of spiritual writer's block. I've found that if that happens, even after looking for inspiration in a reference material such as The Element Encyclopedia of 1000 Spells, it's not meant to be, at least not yet. When I need a spell the most, the words seem to come naturally. And it's been those times that they have worked the best. I do wonder sometimes though if my current lack of use is not only because I haven't needed it, but also because I've become spiritually unfocused over the last month and a half since school resumed. I am finding myself slowly coming back to spirituality, one step at a time. I'm now going to church consistently, even attending Religious Education - my church's version of "Sunday School". And I'm starting to get back into my daily spiritual readings. Maybe that's been the problem with my spiritual practice - maybe I've been trying to force myself to do too much too quick, instead of easing back into it gradually. I didn't exactly learn spiritual discipline growing up. My family went to church and was very involved superficially, but there was no real depth. That kind of mindset and habit doesn't go away completely, I believe. It takes hard work, and maybe gradually resuming more practices is the best thing for me.
Not to mention needing to work on time management skills in general.
To me, Druidry seems more solar, more masculine. It has a wealth of rites and rituals. The Ancient Order of Druids of America, the organization I plan on joining once I finish grad school and therefore have time to focus more on such things, has grades/levels and corresponding curriculum for enhancing your spiritual practice. Each Degree has required readings or practices to choose from, ranging from divination to herbalism, learning about local nature, etc. There is a large focus on interacting with nature and growing in knowledge and philosophy.
Wicca, and subsequently Witchcraft, however, seems more lunar/feminine to me. The focus is more on the energies that surround us, lunar practices, and spellwork. Druidcraft, as mentioned in the article, is the blending of the two. In my case, I do practice spellwork on occasion - although it has been awhile, as I've been too busy and haven't felt the need. What I have done has seemed to work pretty well, and what hasn't, I attribute more to my own lack of focus or mindset. I suppose spellwork is just like any spiritual practice - like the theme of the movie Skeleton Key, if you believe in it, it works, if not, it won't. Sometimes I feel like I may need one to help out in a situation, but the words/methods won't properly formulate in my mind, a kind of spiritual writer's block. I've found that if that happens, even after looking for inspiration in a reference material such as The Element Encyclopedia of 1000 Spells, it's not meant to be, at least not yet. When I need a spell the most, the words seem to come naturally. And it's been those times that they have worked the best. I do wonder sometimes though if my current lack of use is not only because I haven't needed it, but also because I've become spiritually unfocused over the last month and a half since school resumed. I am finding myself slowly coming back to spirituality, one step at a time. I'm now going to church consistently, even attending Religious Education - my church's version of "Sunday School". And I'm starting to get back into my daily spiritual readings. Maybe that's been the problem with my spiritual practice - maybe I've been trying to force myself to do too much too quick, instead of easing back into it gradually. I didn't exactly learn spiritual discipline growing up. My family went to church and was very involved superficially, but there was no real depth. That kind of mindset and habit doesn't go away completely, I believe. It takes hard work, and maybe gradually resuming more practices is the best thing for me.
Not to mention needing to work on time management skills in general.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Superstition Really Works
I recently read an article on World-science.net that, as a psychologist and as a practitioner of "alternative spiritual practices" that interested me. It basically proves that superstitions, such as lucky charms, really do work on a psychological level to improve performance. The owner believes that it helps, so it does.
Even though I am both a theist and a Druid, this is similar to how I view prayer and spellwork. It helps us because we believe it does. I do believe Pleroma(and any other entity someone may pray to) hears our prayers, but it is our belief in such systems that do the most help - after all, if you don't believe in God, you wouldn't bother praying to Him.
Likewise, the bulk of a spell is the Witch's or Druid's belief that it will work. If one book/website says to use one ingredient for the spell, but another one feels more right to me, as the one performing it, I will use what I feel more comfortable using, otherwise I would be distracted by using something that didn't make sense to me. I limit most of my spells to things that involve drawing something to me(like drawing good luck), driving away something(like obstacles or bad luck), or geared towards changing my mindset, because those are what I believe work most, as they are meant to change my viewpoint or perspective. While I may pray for rain, I don't do a spell to make it rain, because I don't believe that works. If it's meant to rain, it'll rain.
In all, some superstitions or 'magical thinking' isn't bad. How dull would life be if everything could be explained?
Even though I am both a theist and a Druid, this is similar to how I view prayer and spellwork. It helps us because we believe it does. I do believe Pleroma(and any other entity someone may pray to) hears our prayers, but it is our belief in such systems that do the most help - after all, if you don't believe in God, you wouldn't bother praying to Him.
Likewise, the bulk of a spell is the Witch's or Druid's belief that it will work. If one book/website says to use one ingredient for the spell, but another one feels more right to me, as the one performing it, I will use what I feel more comfortable using, otherwise I would be distracted by using something that didn't make sense to me. I limit most of my spells to things that involve drawing something to me(like drawing good luck), driving away something(like obstacles or bad luck), or geared towards changing my mindset, because those are what I believe work most, as they are meant to change my viewpoint or perspective. While I may pray for rain, I don't do a spell to make it rain, because I don't believe that works. If it's meant to rain, it'll rain.
In all, some superstitions or 'magical thinking' isn't bad. How dull would life be if everything could be explained?
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