Sometimes I feel like I'll never really belong anywhere. Never have a "niche" where I'll fit in without feeling I have to compromise some part of who I am. I'm too liberal to fit in with the conservatives and most moderates, yet too apathetic to fit in with the liberals. I'm too spiritual to fit in with the agnostics/atheists, but not spiritual enough to fit in with religion. I'm too "New Agey" to fit in with the Christians, but too Christian to fit in with the "New Agers". I don't do "small talk" very well, which makes it hard to make new friends, and half the time, once we do get to that stage where we start to feel comfortable talking about the "deep" stuff that I actually know how to talk about, they aren't interested in what I have to say, or seem to be surprised when I think differently from them, and can't handle someone who doesn't mesh with the "status quo".
Summer semester is over. I know I've been sporadic in my updating. I've just been in a really.... apathetic.... phase right now. It's like it takes every ounce of energy to just deal with school, work, and now my new internship. I think I'm over-extending myself, but I have to in order to finish school. I've become stagnant in relationships (or lack thereof) and sometimes I really just don't care. I'm searching for something, without really knowing what it is I'm searching for, or if I'll know when I find it.
To honor my goal of talking about vacation: It was good, considering my family was with me the whole time. Went to the local aquarium, showed some tourist sites. I wish I had more time for fun stuff like that. And maybe even more local friends to do it with. But, that never seems to happen. Because, as the title and opening statements already mention, I just don't fit in anywhere enough to really get to know people.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Crossroads
I know I haven't updated in awhile. Honestly, just not much has been going on - whether spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc. - that I've felt has been worth writing about.
Summer classes have started. It's going to be another difficult semester. But, if I can muster through it, I'll only have two more to go. I still haven't heard back from my upcoming internship's HR department to schedule the orientation. I'm giving them until early July to contact me, though(internship starts in August), because I know HR departments are notoriously disorganized and scattered (at least around here), and this is the biggest hospital, and the biggest non-tourism-related employer, in the region. So I'm thinking maybe they're kind of slow.
My place of employment continues to be in the news on a regular basis. There were two more escapes on June 5, although they caught them much quicker. That made headlines. Apparently last week, while I was on vacation, a 1st shift staff was assaulted, resulting in a broken nose and stitches. He filed a police report, and so that made headlines as well. Basically, at this point, ANYTHING that happens there ends up in the news, it seems. I've seriously begun debating trying to get my old job back at Home Depot. I feel like I'm not really making much of a difference there at this point (if I ever was to begin with). The most positive thing I've seen there in months is the fact that I've begun being asked more frequently by the recreational staff to come in early to assist on outings with the kids who have earned time outside of the facility (first it was to a local baseball game, and this Thursday I'm going with them to see Green Lantern). I fear being dragged down with this place the worse things get. DHEC (Department of Health and Environmental Control, the licensing body for group homes, nursing homes, hospitals, etc.) is investigating. Something is going to have to change. They are either going to change policies, or be shut down. If nothing else, they're going to have to do something to get the media off their backs, because everything that happens now ends up in the news. One of my good friends already quit, and another was basically fired for a pre-existing health condition that administrators knew about when they hired her (as soon as she was fired, she filed a complaint with EEOC). Although I'm working more this summer (since I don't have internship) to save up some money, once my internship starts I'm planning on cutting my hours back to two days a week, no matter how poor I get. My concern is whether or not other places of employment would work with my school schedule. I've applied to plenty of other jobs the last three and a half years, with no luck. The most recent definitely wouldn't have cooperated with my school schedule and commitments. That really is the place's only selling point for me staying there at this point - it truly is the ideal place for people who need flexible schedules. I just wonder where the line is, if it's really worth staying there at this point and risk getting pulled into more drama, if that's the only thing keeping me there.
This has gotten long, so consider this "Part 1" of a "catch-up" post. Next time I post (hopefully soon), I'll go more into the vacation I just had, as it was a very eventful week!
Summer classes have started. It's going to be another difficult semester. But, if I can muster through it, I'll only have two more to go. I still haven't heard back from my upcoming internship's HR department to schedule the orientation. I'm giving them until early July to contact me, though(internship starts in August), because I know HR departments are notoriously disorganized and scattered (at least around here), and this is the biggest hospital, and the biggest non-tourism-related employer, in the region. So I'm thinking maybe they're kind of slow.
My place of employment continues to be in the news on a regular basis. There were two more escapes on June 5, although they caught them much quicker. That made headlines. Apparently last week, while I was on vacation, a 1st shift staff was assaulted, resulting in a broken nose and stitches. He filed a police report, and so that made headlines as well. Basically, at this point, ANYTHING that happens there ends up in the news, it seems. I've seriously begun debating trying to get my old job back at Home Depot. I feel like I'm not really making much of a difference there at this point (if I ever was to begin with). The most positive thing I've seen there in months is the fact that I've begun being asked more frequently by the recreational staff to come in early to assist on outings with the kids who have earned time outside of the facility (first it was to a local baseball game, and this Thursday I'm going with them to see Green Lantern). I fear being dragged down with this place the worse things get. DHEC (Department of Health and Environmental Control, the licensing body for group homes, nursing homes, hospitals, etc.) is investigating. Something is going to have to change. They are either going to change policies, or be shut down. If nothing else, they're going to have to do something to get the media off their backs, because everything that happens now ends up in the news. One of my good friends already quit, and another was basically fired for a pre-existing health condition that administrators knew about when they hired her (as soon as she was fired, she filed a complaint with EEOC). Although I'm working more this summer (since I don't have internship) to save up some money, once my internship starts I'm planning on cutting my hours back to two days a week, no matter how poor I get. My concern is whether or not other places of employment would work with my school schedule. I've applied to plenty of other jobs the last three and a half years, with no luck. The most recent definitely wouldn't have cooperated with my school schedule and commitments. That really is the place's only selling point for me staying there at this point - it truly is the ideal place for people who need flexible schedules. I just wonder where the line is, if it's really worth staying there at this point and risk getting pulled into more drama, if that's the only thing keeping me there.
This has gotten long, so consider this "Part 1" of a "catch-up" post. Next time I post (hopefully soon), I'll go more into the vacation I just had, as it was a very eventful week!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Built on Sand
There's a parable in the Christian Scriptures. In this parable, a man builds a house on sand. Floods come, and the house, being on a weak foundation, is annihilated. Another man builds a house on solid ground, and when the floods come, his home remains intact.
The point that I, personally, get out of the parable is this: if your faith (whatever "faith" means to you, and whatever/whomever you have faith in) is weak, then it will waiver and stagnate at every obstacle or whim of your emotions. But if it is strong, then you will be secure in your faith, and be able to use that faith to strengthen you in the difficult times.
Sometimes I feel like my "house" - my "faith" - is built on nothing but sand. Not even normal sand, but quicksand, that sucks everything in its path into a bottomless pit. My faith in Deity, my faith in my Druidic practice, and most of all, my faith in myself, seems to wax and wane on every whim of good or bad fortune, every mood swing I may have in a day.
Take recent events for example. Stuck in a dead end job. Inability to obtain a 2nd internship, in spite of interviews, prayers, and aggressive spellwork. Total lack of confidence in myself and cynicism towards my life in general. Faith, mostly in myself, is broken.
On Tuesday, I went on a two-day long mini-vacation to another beach about two hours away, with a good friend of mine. Most of the day, we spent at a nearby garden and art sculpture attraction, which housed some of the most beautiful gardens and art sculptures I've seen in recent times. It had a small zoo, a butterfly garden, a boat tour (where we saw three alligators and a couple of turtles), and a nice little labyrinth for meditation. It was a beautiful day. The day had its standard little oddities that tend to happen to me - a bird in an aviary crapping on my new shirt I was wearing, somehow getting an earthworm stuck in my sandal and getting the poor thing's guts all over my sandal (of course, my "good" sandals), I think I actually walked into a tree at one point. I began a small meditative walk in the labyrinth. I focused my thoughts, did a bit of a mental chant to banish negative energies, and I started to feel more optimistic and better about things. Faith slowly being restored.
Then, in the middle of my labyrinth walk, I get a phone call from my University's field placement office, to basically tell me to hurry up and get an internship placement because they're running out of agencies with openings. I remind them of the fact that I had recently had two interviews, neither of which had contacted me when they said they would with a final decision of whether or not they were going to invite me to join them as an intern. After I get off the phone with the school, any positive effects from the labyrinth walk now rendered useless, I call the agency I most recently interviewed with, and most wanted to intern with, a program run by the psychiatric unit of a local very high-profile hospital. I left a message inquiring as to a decision, but without much hope. The rest of the day goes well overall, but frustration and anxiety keep me from fully enjoying myself. Faith is once again shattered.
On Wednesday, we had a low-activity day. Slept in, then spent the afternoon on the beach. That evening, we went to a local dinner theater.
In the afternoon, while out on the beach, I checked the time on the phone, and noticed I had two voicemails awaiting me. The first was from a local parasailing company, to reschedule our parasailing appointment for the next day. The second was from the hospital I was attempting to intern with, apologizing for the delay in getting back with me and offering me the internship position. Obviously, I immediately returned the phone call and, after a few minutes of "phone tag", accepted the internship. I felt all (or at least, most) of the stress leave me, a weight lifted off my shoulders. I remembered the spell I performed to try to obtain the internship, and the fact that part of the frustration was the fact that I included as part of the spell a stipulation that the internship come to me by the end of April (to provide enough time to to notify the school and get all the preliminary agency requirements and paperwork done before time to actually start the internship). Upon recognition that I actually made the initial phone call that led to the interview on April 28th, after being given the contact info by a classmate who had also recently gotten an internship at the same hospital, I begin to think that perhaps, spellwork really does always work, even if not in the way or timeframe we expect. After all, I was thinking to already secure the internship by the end of April, but one could say the spell still worked in a way, in that even though the internship itself wasn't secured in that timeframe, the process to obtain it began within the specified timeframe. Faith once again restored.
Thursday, the final day of the mini-vacation, was great. I went parasailing for the first time, and more than likely will not be the last time. This guy took us on a raft, connected to a jet ski, to the actual boat, where we did the parasailing. There were six of us, and it was quite amusing that, while I was the smallest guy on the raft, I was also the only one who did not fall off at some point. In addition, I checked my grades online while checking my summer classes to ensure I ordered the right textbooks. My GPA is now a 3.2, up from a 2.9 at this time last year, effectively ending my academic probation (if I was indeed still on it).
Finally, recently I've been talking to a local girl, an RN who is currently volunteering in Africa, and I believe there may be the possibility of at least a meet-up. Now, since the last ex and I split up in 2007, I have had a bit of a string of "one hit wonders" so to speak.... I average about 1 date every 3-6 months, and none of them have yet led to a second date..... so I'm not quite counting the eggs before they hatch. I'm just on a bit of a feel-good "high" that I haven't felt in a long time, because it's been so long since I've really had a significant level of good happen in my life...... and I really do feel good for once. But I also am a bit saddened, wishing I could just enjoy it all without the nagging feeling of "Okay, so when will the other shoe drop?" and wishing that my faith in myself had been stronger during all the uncertainties.
The point that I, personally, get out of the parable is this: if your faith (whatever "faith" means to you, and whatever/whomever you have faith in) is weak, then it will waiver and stagnate at every obstacle or whim of your emotions. But if it is strong, then you will be secure in your faith, and be able to use that faith to strengthen you in the difficult times.
Sometimes I feel like my "house" - my "faith" - is built on nothing but sand. Not even normal sand, but quicksand, that sucks everything in its path into a bottomless pit. My faith in Deity, my faith in my Druidic practice, and most of all, my faith in myself, seems to wax and wane on every whim of good or bad fortune, every mood swing I may have in a day.
Take recent events for example. Stuck in a dead end job. Inability to obtain a 2nd internship, in spite of interviews, prayers, and aggressive spellwork. Total lack of confidence in myself and cynicism towards my life in general. Faith, mostly in myself, is broken.
Then, in the middle of my labyrinth walk, I get a phone call from my University's field placement office, to basically tell me to hurry up and get an internship placement because they're running out of agencies with openings. I remind them of the fact that I had recently had two interviews, neither of which had contacted me when they said they would with a final decision of whether or not they were going to invite me to join them as an intern. After I get off the phone with the school, any positive effects from the labyrinth walk now rendered useless, I call the agency I most recently interviewed with, and most wanted to intern with, a program run by the psychiatric unit of a local very high-profile hospital. I left a message inquiring as to a decision, but without much hope. The rest of the day goes well overall, but frustration and anxiety keep me from fully enjoying myself. Faith is once again shattered.
On Wednesday, we had a low-activity day. Slept in, then spent the afternoon on the beach. That evening, we went to a local dinner theater.
In the afternoon, while out on the beach, I checked the time on the phone, and noticed I had two voicemails awaiting me. The first was from a local parasailing company, to reschedule our parasailing appointment for the next day. The second was from the hospital I was attempting to intern with, apologizing for the delay in getting back with me and offering me the internship position. Obviously, I immediately returned the phone call and, after a few minutes of "phone tag", accepted the internship. I felt all (or at least, most) of the stress leave me, a weight lifted off my shoulders. I remembered the spell I performed to try to obtain the internship, and the fact that part of the frustration was the fact that I included as part of the spell a stipulation that the internship come to me by the end of April (to provide enough time to to notify the school and get all the preliminary agency requirements and paperwork done before time to actually start the internship). Upon recognition that I actually made the initial phone call that led to the interview on April 28th, after being given the contact info by a classmate who had also recently gotten an internship at the same hospital, I begin to think that perhaps, spellwork really does always work, even if not in the way or timeframe we expect. After all, I was thinking to already secure the internship by the end of April, but one could say the spell still worked in a way, in that even though the internship itself wasn't secured in that timeframe, the process to obtain it began within the specified timeframe. Faith once again restored.
Thursday, the final day of the mini-vacation, was great. I went parasailing for the first time, and more than likely will not be the last time. This guy took us on a raft, connected to a jet ski, to the actual boat, where we did the parasailing. There were six of us, and it was quite amusing that, while I was the smallest guy on the raft, I was also the only one who did not fall off at some point. In addition, I checked my grades online while checking my summer classes to ensure I ordered the right textbooks. My GPA is now a 3.2, up from a 2.9 at this time last year, effectively ending my academic probation (if I was indeed still on it).
Finally, recently I've been talking to a local girl, an RN who is currently volunteering in Africa, and I believe there may be the possibility of at least a meet-up. Now, since the last ex and I split up in 2007, I have had a bit of a string of "one hit wonders" so to speak.... I average about 1 date every 3-6 months, and none of them have yet led to a second date..... so I'm not quite counting the eggs before they hatch. I'm just on a bit of a feel-good "high" that I haven't felt in a long time, because it's been so long since I've really had a significant level of good happen in my life...... and I really do feel good for once. But I also am a bit saddened, wishing I could just enjoy it all without the nagging feeling of "Okay, so when will the other shoe drop?" and wishing that my faith in myself had been stronger during all the uncertainties.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Successes and Regressions
Well, Lent and the Easter season are over. I consider my Lenten commitments a partial success.
My first goal was to eat vegetarian on Thursdays, as a part of my church's Lenten tradition of fasting in some form on every Thursday from the start of Lent through Maundy Thursday. This was my most successful practice, since I have been eating healthier, only ate meat on one Thursday, and plan to continue the practice of eating fully vegetarian one day a week(typically Mondays) as a spiritual/health practice from here on out (although I haven't tried out anything from my vegetarian cookbook yet).
My next goal was to drink primarily water. This, I was somewhat successful in. However, due to frequent long drives as part of my internship responsibilities, as well as the long drive home for Easter, I did drink sodas with caffeine, even if in less frequency and quantity as previously.
My final goal was to do more spiritual readings and continue in my spiritual growth. I consider this my least successful component. In fact, it feels like in the last couple of months, I've regressed into some of my old cynicism of my late college years, prior to finding Unitarian-Universalism and Wicca (and subsequently Druidry). I haven't been consistent in meditating or my daily spiritual practices and readings. And I must say I don't like that feeling. Those days were probably some of the days I felt most lost, without purpose. Some people seem to do okay without the belief in a higher power, or the belief that everything has a purpose and works out as it should in the end. I'm not one of those people. I'm stuck in my dead-end, shady job - on a side note, they did finally catch the kid, he somehow made it back to his home state, and the facility is continuing to do its shady damage control. In addition, I have yet to definitively secure an internship for the next school year, in spite of several interviews with organizations, which I thought went well. As a "generic" theist in my conservative Christian days, I struggled with the question of what it meant when "prayers go unanswered", which I believe was a contributing factor in my shift in religious belief. Now, as a panentheist, my perception of deity is different, and when I pray, it isn't with the perception that He/She/It has that kind of control over anything - although I certainly continue to believe in lighting candles and saying prayers as well wishes, if that makes sense. I believe that the Divine exists both within and without all of existence, but as such, I don't believe that the Divine intervenes in the traditionally believed sense. In a similar vein, those on the nature-based spiritual paths must struggle with what to do or think when spells "don't work". Some interpret it as "it's not meant to be". Others, "I wasn't focused enough" or "wrong timing". Or perhaps a combination of both. As I struggle with the amount of unaccomplished goals I have, in spite of the level of hard work, spellwork, prayers, everything, I struggle with the meanings behind it all as well. I find myself anxious and frustrated, above anything. If I can't find a decent internship, I don't know how that will affect my next school year. And I'm running out of ideas of places to interview. I'm just not sure where to go from here.
My first goal was to eat vegetarian on Thursdays, as a part of my church's Lenten tradition of fasting in some form on every Thursday from the start of Lent through Maundy Thursday. This was my most successful practice, since I have been eating healthier, only ate meat on one Thursday, and plan to continue the practice of eating fully vegetarian one day a week(typically Mondays) as a spiritual/health practice from here on out (although I haven't tried out anything from my vegetarian cookbook yet).
My next goal was to drink primarily water. This, I was somewhat successful in. However, due to frequent long drives as part of my internship responsibilities, as well as the long drive home for Easter, I did drink sodas with caffeine, even if in less frequency and quantity as previously.
My final goal was to do more spiritual readings and continue in my spiritual growth. I consider this my least successful component. In fact, it feels like in the last couple of months, I've regressed into some of my old cynicism of my late college years, prior to finding Unitarian-Universalism and Wicca (and subsequently Druidry). I haven't been consistent in meditating or my daily spiritual practices and readings. And I must say I don't like that feeling. Those days were probably some of the days I felt most lost, without purpose. Some people seem to do okay without the belief in a higher power, or the belief that everything has a purpose and works out as it should in the end. I'm not one of those people. I'm stuck in my dead-end, shady job - on a side note, they did finally catch the kid, he somehow made it back to his home state, and the facility is continuing to do its shady damage control. In addition, I have yet to definitively secure an internship for the next school year, in spite of several interviews with organizations, which I thought went well. As a "generic" theist in my conservative Christian days, I struggled with the question of what it meant when "prayers go unanswered", which I believe was a contributing factor in my shift in religious belief. Now, as a panentheist, my perception of deity is different, and when I pray, it isn't with the perception that He/She/It has that kind of control over anything - although I certainly continue to believe in lighting candles and saying prayers as well wishes, if that makes sense. I believe that the Divine exists both within and without all of existence, but as such, I don't believe that the Divine intervenes in the traditionally believed sense. In a similar vein, those on the nature-based spiritual paths must struggle with what to do or think when spells "don't work". Some interpret it as "it's not meant to be". Others, "I wasn't focused enough" or "wrong timing". Or perhaps a combination of both. As I struggle with the amount of unaccomplished goals I have, in spite of the level of hard work, spellwork, prayers, everything, I struggle with the meanings behind it all as well. I find myself anxious and frustrated, above anything. If I can't find a decent internship, I don't know how that will affect my next school year. And I'm running out of ideas of places to interview. I'm just not sure where to go from here.
Friday, April 22, 2011
When it Rains
As I'm sitting here listening to the rain, mustering up the motivation to finish my final paper due tomorrow, the last day of class, I can't help but think of how true the old adage is: when it rains, it pours.
I didn't get the internship that I wanted. I am extremely frustrated and disappointed by this. I do have an internship interview next week with a local school district, but I'm just not sure about that either.
Work at the mental hospital on Wednesday was a disaster. A major disaster. FOUR patients escaped. FOUR. Three have been returned, but one - the most dangerous of the four - is still loose. It's made the news all over not just the local area, but the kids' home state (we take in patients from all over the country) as well. It's been in the local newspapers, their home state newspapers, and reported on at least 3 news stations that I know of. The Executive Director and another high-level administrator have been fired over it. And now I'm a target as well, apparently. Even though I wasn't even remotely involved in the situation, as on Wednesday I did not work on the unit that the escapes occurred from.
Why? Naturally, I posted some of the articles on Facebook. Now, I was careful, as always. I don't believe I did anything wrong. Due to my busy schedule(work, internship, *and* classes), Facebook is a primary method of keeping in touch with close friends and family. I have my privacy settings as such that only those on my friends list can see anything on my page. Furthermore, I have at least a couple of "lists", so that if I choose, I can block content from even groups of my friends. I do have a few current and former co-workers on my list, but it is mostly friends from undergrad, friends from home, family, or non-work related friends living in my local area. The articles didn't list any identifying information on any of the patients except the one who is still missing. I did add some of my own comments and a couple of complaints regarding the situation, but again, no information was disclosed that isn't already public knowledge now due to being in the newspapers. In fact, one article I *didn't* post specifically *because* it listed the names and ages of all four escapees, rather than just the one who is still at large. In addition, I know of at least 3 other staff on my friends' list, including one who is a supervisor, who posted the very same articles on *their* pages.
Jump to this morning. I wake up to a text from the Day Shift supervisor, to call her ASAP. When I spoke with her, she told me that I was asked to come speak with the CEO and new admins who replaced the ones who got fired. I didn't think much of it, honestly. One other time a patient got away for a length of time, staff were all called in as a group to discuss the situation (interpreted: find someone to blame for his escape). In that particular instance, it was an all-staff meeting. So I thought this was another one of those - go, hear how this is all our fault, smile and nod, and go home. Imagine my surprise when it was a meeting to basically tell me to stop posting the articles on facebook, or lose my job. This infuriates me on several levels. For one, my content is friends only, so I have a rat on my friends list I need to find and delete. For another, I posted PUBLIC INFORMATION, and therefore did not violate HIPPA, privacy, or confidentiality laws, in spite of their accusations. Thirdly, other co-workers, including a current supervisor, have posted the exact same content with, so far, no similar repercussions that I know of (I know at least one co-worker would tell me, because we're really good friends and I've discussed this situation at length with her). I got a big speech about how it was "very bad judgment" and violation of confidentiality, and "if we get shut down, you'll be unemployed too". In shock over the absurdity of the whole thing, I smiled and nodded, gave my perspective when asked, and went home with the understanding that if it continued to happen, I would be fired.
Then, I called a damn lawyer. Turned out I still had a lawyer's information, which had been given to me by another co-worker, who was suing the facility, said that firm seemed interested in my workers' comp case from 2009. They then referred me to one of their former attorneys who recently started her own practice specializing in wrongful termination cases, and I called her. She basically said that I would have to see if our most recent employee handbook had anything in it concerning social media (I doubt it does, they're not that forward-thinking). She said I might would have some difficulty with the fact that I posted some comments on the articles, but with the posting of the articles themselves, I could have a case, if terminated, providing there's nothing in the current policy regarding such situations. And, basically, that it might would be easier to just take the articles off. Which I refuse to do. Yes, I'm not going to post any more, for sure. But I'm not deleting what's already there. To me it's pointless and reeks of cowardice. The place has so many ethical and mistreatment issues that led up to the escapes, that I feel like as much needs to be reported and kept a record of as possible, because if I do lose my job, even if I can't win a wrongful termination lawsuit, I *will* be a whistleblower.
To give the whole thing a final kick, I come home to a message on my facebook from one of my direct supervisors, which stated "You're a very hot item right now, you may want to lay low." This confirmed to me that I am being specifically targeted over this, in comparison with the several other staff who have posted the same information, the same comments, the same everything. It's sickening. And I can't wait to get the hell out of there.
I didn't get the internship that I wanted. I am extremely frustrated and disappointed by this. I do have an internship interview next week with a local school district, but I'm just not sure about that either.
Work at the mental hospital on Wednesday was a disaster. A major disaster. FOUR patients escaped. FOUR. Three have been returned, but one - the most dangerous of the four - is still loose. It's made the news all over not just the local area, but the kids' home state (we take in patients from all over the country) as well. It's been in the local newspapers, their home state newspapers, and reported on at least 3 news stations that I know of. The Executive Director and another high-level administrator have been fired over it. And now I'm a target as well, apparently. Even though I wasn't even remotely involved in the situation, as on Wednesday I did not work on the unit that the escapes occurred from.
Why? Naturally, I posted some of the articles on Facebook. Now, I was careful, as always. I don't believe I did anything wrong. Due to my busy schedule(work, internship, *and* classes), Facebook is a primary method of keeping in touch with close friends and family. I have my privacy settings as such that only those on my friends list can see anything on my page. Furthermore, I have at least a couple of "lists", so that if I choose, I can block content from even groups of my friends. I do have a few current and former co-workers on my list, but it is mostly friends from undergrad, friends from home, family, or non-work related friends living in my local area. The articles didn't list any identifying information on any of the patients except the one who is still missing. I did add some of my own comments and a couple of complaints regarding the situation, but again, no information was disclosed that isn't already public knowledge now due to being in the newspapers. In fact, one article I *didn't* post specifically *because* it listed the names and ages of all four escapees, rather than just the one who is still at large. In addition, I know of at least 3 other staff on my friends' list, including one who is a supervisor, who posted the very same articles on *their* pages.
Jump to this morning. I wake up to a text from the Day Shift supervisor, to call her ASAP. When I spoke with her, she told me that I was asked to come speak with the CEO and new admins who replaced the ones who got fired. I didn't think much of it, honestly. One other time a patient got away for a length of time, staff were all called in as a group to discuss the situation (interpreted: find someone to blame for his escape). In that particular instance, it was an all-staff meeting. So I thought this was another one of those - go, hear how this is all our fault, smile and nod, and go home. Imagine my surprise when it was a meeting to basically tell me to stop posting the articles on facebook, or lose my job. This infuriates me on several levels. For one, my content is friends only, so I have a rat on my friends list I need to find and delete. For another, I posted PUBLIC INFORMATION, and therefore did not violate HIPPA, privacy, or confidentiality laws, in spite of their accusations. Thirdly, other co-workers, including a current supervisor, have posted the exact same content with, so far, no similar repercussions that I know of (I know at least one co-worker would tell me, because we're really good friends and I've discussed this situation at length with her). I got a big speech about how it was "very bad judgment" and violation of confidentiality, and "if we get shut down, you'll be unemployed too". In shock over the absurdity of the whole thing, I smiled and nodded, gave my perspective when asked, and went home with the understanding that if it continued to happen, I would be fired.
Then, I called a damn lawyer. Turned out I still had a lawyer's information, which had been given to me by another co-worker, who was suing the facility, said that firm seemed interested in my workers' comp case from 2009. They then referred me to one of their former attorneys who recently started her own practice specializing in wrongful termination cases, and I called her. She basically said that I would have to see if our most recent employee handbook had anything in it concerning social media (I doubt it does, they're not that forward-thinking). She said I might would have some difficulty with the fact that I posted some comments on the articles, but with the posting of the articles themselves, I could have a case, if terminated, providing there's nothing in the current policy regarding such situations. And, basically, that it might would be easier to just take the articles off. Which I refuse to do. Yes, I'm not going to post any more, for sure. But I'm not deleting what's already there. To me it's pointless and reeks of cowardice. The place has so many ethical and mistreatment issues that led up to the escapes, that I feel like as much needs to be reported and kept a record of as possible, because if I do lose my job, even if I can't win a wrongful termination lawsuit, I *will* be a whistleblower.
To give the whole thing a final kick, I come home to a message on my facebook from one of my direct supervisors, which stated "You're a very hot item right now, you may want to lay low." This confirmed to me that I am being specifically targeted over this, in comparison with the several other staff who have posted the same information, the same comments, the same everything. It's sickening. And I can't wait to get the hell out of there.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Happy Mediums
Yesterday morning, I held my first interview for next year's internship, at the county Department of Social Services "Intensive Foster Care and Clinical Services" division. I'm not sure how much I will like that one, it seems like it would be better as a "back-up plan". The lady I interviewed with said they don't get interns very often, and she seemed a little flustered as to the internship acceptance process, as well as what kinds of responsibilities we as interns would actually have. My second interview, on Friday, is on the developmental pediatrics unit of a local very prominent hospital, which would look very good on my resume. I think I may hope for that one, and repeat the spell I did on the 19th to give it a little "extra" push. I'm still not *totally* optimistic though - when I first moved to South Carolina, I interviewed for a job there, with the same woman that I'll be interviewing with for the internship, and she never called back. Guess we'll see.
I don't know if I'm only noticing it more now because I'm becoming more food-conscious, but I've noticed since embarking on this Flexitarian diet (abstaining from meat one day a week) that I eat more when I do eat, and I seem to get hungry more. The last couple of days, even though I eat at least two meals a day ( usually sleep through breakfast) and of course have snacks at varying times, I wake up in the middle of the night hungry. Now, I'm a whopping 107 pounds, so I'm not concerned or anything - if anything, it's probably a good thing. Perhaps it's my body adjusting to some of the more healthy foods I've been sort of trying to eat.
Speaking of healthy foods, I've been debating on switching my choice of regular grocery store. On the one hand, there's Bi-Lo, which I pass every Saturday as I go home from school (Saturday is my usual grocery day). Then, there's Publix, which has more organic, vegetarian, and overall healthy food options to buy, but still kind of limited, depending on which specific store location you go to - they all have MorningStar Farms, for example, but as far as a wider variety of foods is concerned, that's not necessarily the case. Then, there's Earth Fare . Now, I absolutely love Earth Fare. All the produce they sell is locally grown (within 100 miles), they sell some of the teas I like (such as sage and valerian root), they have all kinds of herbal products, home remedies, and such that can be used in home health or even spellwork. All their meat is free-range and/or organic (not that I cook meat), they have lots of vegetarian/vegan options, and they're overall a utopia for the health conscious food shopper. But, they're farther away and much more expensive. 3 days' worth of snacks and foods there cost about as much as a week's worth of food and snacks at my current regular places. So it's kind of a balance: closer, cheaper, yet less healthy, or farther, more expensive, yet healthier? I think while I'm trying to decide on a permanent place, I'll rotate around - go one place one week, another the next, etc. Now that the weather is sort of getting warmer, I'm sure I'll be going to the beach after class a little more often, and Earth Fare is right there on my way back.
In a perfect end to yesterday, even though it was cold and cloudy, after my visits with my foster kids for the day, I went to a local park and took some more pictures. Photography is quickly becoming a hobby, and is actually quite therapeutic and meditative. I should've done this years ago!
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