Defining Moments

"Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure... life is either a daring adventure or nothing." - Helen Keller

Today was a defining moment in my life. Never did I once think I would have the ambition, willpower, or courage to take part in a highly publicized protest, Occupy Charleston . It is, of course, an offshoot/solidarity movement in response to Occupy Wall St., which, of course, I'm assuming at this point needs little introduction.

For the Charleston, offshoot, at least, the main points of contention are basically the fact that the rich get richer, the poor get poorer. The Average Joe gets screwed, while big corporations get tax cuts, which they then use to line their own pockets while laying off the "lesser people", and throw insane amounts of money to politicians in order to bribe them into looking the other way.

I was actually torn between class, which I have on Saturdays, and attending the March.  Then I realized just how important it was for me on a personal level to participate. This movement has gotten huge. For good or ill, it will go down in the history books, just like the Civil Rights movement did in the 60s, and the Vietnam protests did in the 70s.  When my future children (or heck, even the kids I may end up seeing as a social worker/therapist), read about this and ask me "Where were you when this happened?" Did I really want to respond "Oh, I wanted to go. I wanted to show my support because I agree with their cause. But I was in class." Or did I want to say that I put my money where my mouth was, that I voiced my beliefs and finally took the opportunity to put some actions behind what I've believed for years? It's almost as if the last few years of personal growth were leading up to this moment.... the moment where I would finally be willing and able to act on my beliefs.

My grandmother is 70 years old and can't afford to retire, even if she wanted to, because they would not be able to make ends meet on her husband's disability alone. This is who I stand for.

My sister is 23 years old, in a wheelchair, and still lives with our parents. She is perfectly mentally capable (in 4th grade she was reading on an 8th grade level), only her physical body does not work like the rest of us. In spite of obtaining her Associate's Degree and over a year of Vocational Rehab and job coaches, the only job she has been able to get is a part-time, VOLUNTEER position at their local Habitat for Humanity. God only knows what will happen to her when our parents pass away. This is who I fight for.

I'm in graduate school and will be in debt for years to come. In spite of five years of undergrad, the only jobs I'm able to get until I finish my master's, are jobs where you don't even have to have an Associates to get, only a high school diploma and "some experience". I'm one of the lucky ones to have the time to go to school to HOPEFULLY get a better job afterwards (vicarious in itself because mental health is always being underfunded, and even with a Masters I'm likely to be overworked and underpaid), but not everyone gets that opportunity. They are who I stand with.

We started off in a local park. There were completed signs lying around. I grabbed a blank posterboard and marker, and made the sign that I felt the most strongly about, which could be shortened to fit on a poster: "Stand 4 the elderly and the disabled. They are the 99%".  We marched from the park, to the Visitor's Center/bus terminal, then to the business district. We then traveled past the Open Air Market and to Washington Park. Throughout we got honks and waves, generally in solidarity.

Considering Charleston's history with previous protests, such as the Civil Rights movement, I was surprised at how much cooperation and leeway we were given by the City Council. Unlike the protests going on in places such as NYC, Boston, and even the offshoots which have emerged in Europe (there are over 200 "Occupy" groups worldwide now), there were no confrontations and no arrests. It was the epitome of a polite, peaceful demonstration. There was chanting. Some people brought drums. It was made up of older people, college students, professionals, and some families brought their kids. There were no drugs and no alcohol. The regulations were that we had to remain on the sidewalk. We had to make room for passing pedestrians. We had to follow the traffic signals. Police followed along on their bikes for supervision. We split up into 3 small groups of about 35-40, in order to comply with the law that states that you must have 49 or less participants in order to be able to march without a permit. This would leave room for spectators to join in if they wished, without going over the 49 participants limit. My group almost got into trouble because by the end of the march, we had exceeded the 49 person limit, because we had amassed that many spectators-joining-in, even with the failsafes built into the process. We stopped the chanting whenever carriage tours passed by, so as not to spook the horses. Only in Charleston would you find such an interesting juxtaposition, a 1960s era demonstration, alongside a colonial era horsedrawn carriage.

After the march, I went to a local beach and worked on my photography some. It was such a beautiful day.














I will end with a video I made using pictures from the day's activities, namely the march. Whatever happens next, I know I will never regret participating in history, rather than simply watching it. As I type this, I notice that I was even on the 11:00 news, although I was smart about it and covered my face with my sign.

Minor Risks

Lately, I've been doing something very uncharacteristic of me. I've been trying new things!

I've been going to church regularly again, and resumed being more active in the Celtic Spirituality group of which I am a part. I've been recruited to help give a Sunday School lesson on Celtic Spirituality, as well as participate in an upcoming Celtic-themed worship service, both occurring in November. I have a good friend, a fellow seeker, who has been coming with me to church, so I think that has helped my consistency.

Yesterday, I had the first of four digital photography classes that I signed up for via the hospital's Student Wellness Center. It was really interesting and I learned some new tricks for my Nikon that I had never known before. The class is on Wednesdays throughout the month of October.

Today, I attended a general meeting, held at the local Unitarian church, which was held by a local group of young people who are planning an event in solidarity with the Occupy Wall St. movement, one of many "Occupy spin-offs" that have been springing up lately. It actually seems like something I really want to participate in, if my schedule allows. The meeting was attended, in addition to the expected college crowd, by a few lawyers and the local Labor Council representative, acknowledging their approval of the movement and their full support. The local news was also present, so I'm going to watch the news tonight in the hopes that I didn't end up on camera! I want to attend the march/protest/whatever when it actually does happen, but I know I can't afford to skip work for it under any circumstances (I only work 1 or 2 days a week as it is, at my place of employment), so I'm hoping it will be planned for a time in which I can participate. Their next meeting is next Thursday as well, I may go to it. Two things really surprised me about this meeting, though:

1) We actually held a vote that this would be a NONVIOLENT movement. I didn't think that was even up for discussion, much less an item to be voted on.

2) When we obviously voted to be nonviolent, this guy stormed out of the room (slammed doors and all), calling us all "ineffectual liberal jerkoffs".  To say it was a weird and awkward moment is an understatement.

The other, REALLY uncharacteristic thing that I did, was also at the Occupy meeting. I introduced myself to a girl sitting next to me.

Granted, I'm not sure how much it "counts", because she did sort of initiate conversation by asking if she could sit in the seat next to me, but yeah. Anyone who knows me, knows that I almost never make the first start at any conversation with someone I don't know. We ended up having an interesting conversation interspersed throughout the meeting. Probably better than most of the actual dates I've been on, which always seem to end in my never seeing or hearing from the girl again.

The Simple Life

 Lately, I've been recognizing the importance of simplifying my life as much as possible. I have a lot of junk. And I overload my schedule (although at the moment, I do have to do so, to an extent). And I recognize that part of my waxing and waning in consistency concerning my not-so-daily spiritual practices stem in part from my lack of living out my beliefs, particularly my Druidry, in my everyday life. So I've begun making some steps to gradually make my spirituality a more conscious part of my daily life.

To start with, I began using more public transportation when I go to my internship. I don't utilize public transit here very often because it is so inadequate compared to bigger cities. But since I am interning at the local major hospital, I have two options for getting to work: I can drive from my house to the student parking lot (about a 45 minute drive with rush hour traffic), and then take a 10 minute hospital shuttle bus from the parking lot to the actual hospital (the campus is very spread out). Or, I eventually discovered, I could take the 5-10 minute drive from my house to the local K-Mart parking lot, which serves as a Park-N-Ride station, and ride the express bus (the only public transportation here that actually seems to be effective, as their regular buses are regularly late to stops, and a 20 minute trip could take at least an hour) for free with my hospital ID badge. This obviously saves on gas. In addition, it takes me right to the hospital, shows up on time (usually), and gives me a chance to read (either for pleasure, or homework) during the trip.

I have switched to a biodegradable bedding brand for my gerbil. With the aspen shavings, if they became too badly soiled they would begin to smell, and I would have to fill up grocery bags with the dirty shavings, and toss them in the trash. This brand is not harmful to the gerbil should he ingest any of it, and when I clean out the tank, my housemate and I have begun actually sprinkling it around the trees in the backyard to use as compost.  The bedding is pellets though, which keeps me awake sometimes if he gets active at night, so I may try out a different type of similarly biodegradable bedding next time, which can still be utilized as fertilizer and won't make any noise.

Upon noticing the sheer amount of books I have - filling up my own bookshelf as well as overflowing into the bookshelf in the guest bedroom (including my textbooks), most of which I haven't even read in the 5ish years I've had them - I bought a Nook Color. Then I took several hours to catalog every book I had. I then went through my Nook, and repurchased the ones that had eBook equivalents, and threw all the books in trash bags, filling up three. I then got a big box, and sorted through the books one final time. In the box, I put the hard copies of the books I had just repurchased through Nook, along with the books I knew I would likely never get around to reading, keeping only the books that I use for my daily practice (when I do them), the books that have sentimental value, and the books that I know that I will read. The box, when completely full, will likely be donated to the local library. My bookshelf is still kind of full, but I plan on donating the rest of the books (aside from the aforementioned exceptions) as I finish them.

My next step is considering resuming recycling. My problem here is that recycling is HORRIBLE in my county. They don't even have curbside pickup, and the only place I've ever seen a recycling bin is for junk mail at the post office. However, I found bags such as these which are about $15, which look similar to the reusable shopping bags I use for groceries, which are made for recycling. I'm considering buying a set, and using those to sort out recyclables, and then just drive them to the recycling center (which, admittedly, is only about 3-5 minutes from my house). 

It feels good to be finally starting to be more proactive in my spiritual life. I'm usually so tired that I don't, or I'm so caught up in day-to-day issues that I forget. I'm realizing, though, that particularly with the demanding field of work I've chosen, it won't get any easier, so I might as well start now.

Changes

Well, the job interview I recently had was basically a dead end. Again. They seemed interested, but it turned out to basically be the mental health equivalent of "a temp job", where when and if I get called to work is dependent on when an agency refers a client to them. So, in the interviewer's words "you could go three months without getting called for a client." And I just can't afford to leave my current job on such uncertain terms, no matter how much I want to.

So, I decided to make the current job as painless and drama-free as I possibly can, considering the situation and all of the other various complaints I've had over the last couple of years. I realized the following things:

(1) I don't have much of a weekend, between classes on Saturdays and work on Sundays

(2) I'm 28 and single, so I kind of want to have at least a little bit of a weekend

(3) My regular days off this year are Mondays and Wednesdays, where I am not at work, class, *or* my internship (classes Saturdays, work Fridays and Sundays, internship Tuesdays and Thursdays)

(4) I'm virtually an insomniac at times

(5) I could work night shift on Sundays, catch up on sleep on Mondays, and since it's only one night a week, it shouldn't screw up my sleep schedule worse than it already is.

So, I revised my October calendar of availability and turned that in to my bosses. I will still work my original evening shift on Fridays, but on Sundays I will do night shift. That will hopefully be at least one shift a week where I'm not pulled into drama, being put into extremely compromising situations, or generally just have to deal with all the BS. On a somewhat unfortunate note, because I was late in turning in the revised schedule, three of the four Sundays I wrote down to work, were already over staffed, so I only work one Sunday in October. Which means I will not work much for October and therefore be more poor. But, hopefully it will be worth it in the long run, and I can make my small paychecks and what's left of financial aid overage check, last until next semester's overage check.

Remembering

I remember where I was on 9/11. I was a freshman in undergrad. I was actually lying in bed, when my roommate turned the television on. It didn't really hit me until later that day, the impact of what really happened. I had a friend going to school in NYC at the time, and so I checked to make sure she was okay. Thankfully, she was.

It seems like our country is stuck in this mass PTSD episode. It was a horrible thing that happened. But we've watched our politicians turn it into a political catch phrase, using it to justify wars that seem to never end. Is this really what "not letting the terrorists win" looks like? We continue to treat Muslims - and indeed, many other minority groups - as "outsiders". We assume the worst of all immigrants, whether here legally or not. We continue to use religion as a patriotic litmus test, where if you're one of "them", you're not welcome here. What have we really learned?

Today turned out to be an AMAZING day for me, full of contemplativeness and growth. It showcased what I believe myself - that it's time for us as a nation to move on to the next stage of grief. From anger to acceptance. It's time to actually learn from what has happened, and realize that in order to *truly* not be defeated, we need to put our differences aside, and work together.

My (Christian) church's worship service was an interfaith service today. The youth group of the local synagogue, as well as a prominent member of the local mosque, participated in readings and music to commemorate 9/11 and to promote peace between the faiths. It was at this church service that I found out about the Coastal Interfaith Community's "9-11-2011: An Interfaith Gathering for Peace" event being held at the drama theater one of the local colleges. I, unfortunately was scheduled to work today. However, I have felt increasingly unhappy with work. We continue to be in the news regularly - a former staff went public when my workplace refused to cooperate with him in getting records of trainings (CPR certifications, etc.) for his aid in getting another job, claiming that they terminated him, rather than the reality that he resign on his own after they refused to press charges against clients who assaulted him, injuring in a broken nose; a sister facility recently had a riot in which at least one employee that I know of was injured; and the most recent rumors, which would make a sane person's blood boil, involve firing a lower-level supervisor who refused to fire someone else unjustly, and then bribing kids to make incriminating statements against that supervisor in an effort to greatly damage his future career opportunities and possibly even lead to legal action. As a side note, I have a job interview tomorrow, which I am VERY hopeful about. However, I am also a little concerned, because this interview was originally supposed to occur on August 5th. The interviewer has rescheduled at least 3 times - once because of a family emergency, the rest because of meetings and trainings on her end that "came up". Conversely, I only had to reschedule once, due to orientation for my internship that I had not been aware of, as when I originally scheduled the interview, I had not yet started my internship. However, I think I would be willing to deal with this place's disorganization as long as it works with my class/internship schedule, as worse comes to worse, it would only be until I graduate, and it sure as hell can't be any worse than where I am now. If I don't get it, I seriously think I might quit current job anyways and work somewhere like walmart or target, just to get away from things that are building up that could damage my future career options. I've put up with A LOT from that place. In part because their level of flexibility for school is the one good quality they have. And in part because I don't like feeling like a quitter (it's a familiar theme in my life.... I've also held on to relationships way past their expiration dates because I didn't want to feel like I was giving up). But they are starting to cross lines I can't even begin to remotely justify ignoring in clear conscience.

With all that in mind, I had absolutely no difficulty whatsoever in "calling out sick" and attending the event anyways. And it was a wonderful event. One of the best I'd been to in a long time. Wisdom readings and scriptures were read from 12 different religions - Hinduism, Native American (Lakota, specifically), Unitarian-Universalism, Paganism, Judaism, Yoruba, Buddhism, Secular Humanism, Islam, Christianity, Sikhism, and Baha'i, all read by a local follower of that particular faith. interspersed throughout were performances by a local African Drum and Dance Troupe, a local Buddhist youth drumming troupe, and a children's youth/theater choir. The choir brought back memories, as they sang a song that we did in my old choir days in undergrad. In all, it brought me a sense of inner peace, at least for the day. And although I'm stressed about the job dilemma, I know in the end things will work out how they should. I didn't come this far to let one job screw me up forever. My time will come.

I will close with the following video. The song was performed by the youth from the synagogue, during the worship service at my church. It's from an Israeli band called "Sheva". Sheva is Hebrew for the number 7, as the band has 7 members. The band is made up of both Jews and Muslims, and their aim is to promote peace between the two religions in their Israel, as well as throughout the world. Their musical styles typically draw from both traditions, as well as from other religious traditions as well. This song is called "Salaam", and it's in a mix of Arabic and Hebrew. The lyrics roughly translate to (source: youtube video):

"Sheva's Od Yavo Shalom Aleynu, the Peace Song

Od yavo' shalom aleinu
Od yavo' shalom aleinu
Od yavo' shalom aleinu
Ve al kulam (x2)

Salaam (Salaam)
Aleinu ve al kol ha olam,
Salaam, Salaam (x2)

"Salaam (Salaam)(ENGLISH)
Peace will come upon us
Peace will come upon us
Peace will come upon us
and on everyone.

Salaam ('peace' in Arabic)
On us and on everyone
Salaam, Salaam"

Fitting In

Sometimes I feel like I'll never really belong anywhere. Never have a "niche" where I'll fit in without feeling I have to compromise some part of who I am. I'm too liberal to fit in with the conservatives and most moderates, yet too apathetic to fit in with the liberals. I'm too spiritual to fit in with the agnostics/atheists, but not spiritual enough to fit in with religion. I'm too "New Agey" to fit in with the Christians, but too Christian to fit in with the "New Agers". I don't do "small talk" very well, which makes it hard to make new friends, and half the time, once we do get to that stage where we start to feel comfortable talking about the "deep" stuff that I actually know how to talk about, they aren't interested in what I have to say, or seem to be surprised when I think differently from them, and can't handle someone who doesn't mesh with the "status quo".

Summer semester is over. I know I've been sporadic in my updating. I've just been in a really.... apathetic.... phase right now.  It's like it takes every ounce of energy to just deal with school, work, and now my new internship. I think I'm over-extending myself, but I have to in order to finish school. I've become stagnant in relationships (or lack thereof) and sometimes I really just don't care. I'm searching for something, without really knowing what it is I'm searching for, or if I'll know when I find it.

To honor my goal of talking about vacation: It was good, considering my family was with me the whole time. Went to the local aquarium, showed some tourist sites. I wish I had more time for fun stuff like that. And maybe even more local friends to do it with. But, that never seems to happen. Because, as the title and opening statements already mention, I just don't fit in anywhere enough to really get to know people.

Crossroads

I know I haven't updated in awhile. Honestly, just not much has been going on - whether spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc. - that I've felt has been worth writing about.

Summer classes have started. It's going to be another difficult semester. But, if I can muster through it, I'll only have two more to go. I still haven't heard back from my upcoming internship's HR department to schedule the orientation. I'm giving them until early July to contact me, though(internship starts in August), because I know HR departments are notoriously disorganized and scattered (at least around here), and this is the biggest hospital, and the biggest non-tourism-related employer, in the region. So I'm thinking maybe they're kind of slow.

My place of employment continues to be in the news on a regular basis. There were two more escapes on June 5, although they caught them much quicker. That made headlines. Apparently last week, while I was on vacation, a 1st shift staff was assaulted, resulting in a broken nose and stitches. He filed a police report, and so that made headlines as well. Basically, at this point, ANYTHING that happens there ends up in the news, it seems. I've seriously begun debating trying to get my old job back at Home Depot. I feel like I'm not really making much of a difference there at this point (if I ever was to begin with). The most positive thing I've seen there in months is the fact that I've begun being asked more frequently by the recreational staff to come in early to assist on outings with the kids who have earned time outside of the facility (first it was to a local baseball game, and this Thursday I'm going with them to see Green Lantern). I fear being dragged down with this place the worse things get. DHEC (Department of Health and Environmental Control, the licensing body for group homes, nursing homes, hospitals, etc.) is investigating. Something is going to have to change. They are either going to change policies, or be shut down. If nothing else, they're going to have to do something to get the media off their backs, because everything that happens now ends up in the news. One of my good friends already quit, and another was basically fired for a pre-existing health condition that administrators knew about when they hired her (as soon as she was fired, she filed a complaint with EEOC). Although I'm working more this summer (since I don't have internship) to save up some money, once my internship starts I'm planning on cutting my hours back to two days a week, no matter how poor I get. My concern is whether or not other places of employment would work with my school schedule. I've applied to plenty of other jobs the last three and a half years, with no luck. The most recent definitely wouldn't have cooperated with my school schedule and commitments. That really is the place's only selling point for me staying there at this point - it truly is the ideal place for people who need flexible schedules. I just wonder where the line is, if it's really worth staying there at this point and risk getting pulled into more drama, if that's the only thing keeping me there.

This has gotten long, so consider this "Part 1" of a "catch-up" post. Next time I post (hopefully soon), I'll go more into the vacation I just had, as it was a very eventful week!